


The World is Coming Down

by Amethyst_5006



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abusive Claudia in the past, Alcohol Abuse, Alive Claudia Stilinski, Alive Hale Family, Alpha Derek, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dead Sheriff Stilinski, Depressed Stiles Stilinski, Depression, Derek Hale Loves Stiles Stilinski, Drug Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, High School Student Derek Hale, Kidnapping, M/M, Mates Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Oblivious Stiles, Protective Derek Hale, Rape, Regretful sex, Sad Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall is a Bad Friend, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Stiles Stilinski Loves Derek Hale, Stiles' mother is evil in this, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, not between derek and stiles, so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-03-06 16:58:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13415631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyst_5006/pseuds/Amethyst_5006
Summary: When Stiles finally returns home for Sophomore year after mysteriously disappearing for the last month of a three month-long summer to deal with some problems he has yet to conquer, he is forced to adjust to the many changes that have happened.Like the reason he disappeared: the death of his father, that because of it, he now has to move in with his abusive mother and her new fiancé, Derek Hale's father, and his kids, and the change in his friend's social groups that may hold no room for him anymore.Yet it all fails to even scratch the surface of Stiles' problems that he's kept hidden so well. But at what cost?Only that now his days are bleaker and the urge to paint some colours in them is decreasing faster than the sun changes to the moon and the urge to fight his issues is rapidly dying, much like he is from the inside-out.





	1. I've Been Gone For So Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Walking Disaster" by Sum 41

Scott sat in the park in the center of town, his eyesight caught by the poster he had seen everywhere he went whenever he left his house.

A black and white photo of his forgotten friend captioned, MISSING: AGED 15, 5'10, BROWN HAIR, BROWN EYES, PALE SKIN, LAST SEEN JULY 31, 2017.

"He's been gone a while now, huh?" Isaac inquired as he sat on the bench beside him.

"Yeah, I guess. But it's in the past now, you know? Time to move on?" He responded, somewhat apathetic.

"You don't think he's around?"

"I dunno, maybe, maybe not. But what can you do?"

Isaac was somewhat put off by Scott's response, normally when your best friend is missing, you'd be kinda hung up on it and focused on finding out if they're okay, alive or breathing.

 

*****

 

Stiles took one last look at his surroundings before he observed his train ticket.

From GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NY Departs SEPT 1 11:15 PM  


To BEACON HILLS STATION, CA Arrives SEPT 4 5:35 PM

ADMIT ONE

He looked up, seeing the train was here and boarded, finding himself a pair of seats not occupied by anyone, right now he wanted privacy, 60+ hours on a train, he was not in any mood to be sitting next to so someone. Either they would be annoyingly silent the whole time, or even worse, they try and make awkward small talk with him. As a reflex of thinking of that, he produced his earphones from his jacket pocket and plugged them into his phone and inserted them into his ears, using a playlist of The Beatles to calm his nerves. Until the train had started moving, he hadn't registered what was truly happening. He was finally coming home, he'd been gone for a month in New York at the age of 15 all alone, he was still far from being 16, his birthday had just been in April, he wasn't like Scott who's was in October, right at the start of school, or even Derek Hale and Jackson Whittemore, who's were in September, right at the start of school.

He hadn't seen anyone in a month, he'd been on the other side of the country and that was big. And he was worried about how everyone would react when he just showed up again like nothing had happened, like he hadn't been gone. He knew people wouldn't leave it alone but he wasn't ready to answer all their pestering questions because he didn't have answers to them yet, he didn't know if he ever would.

He gazed out the window hollowly as he watched the New York landmarks and buildings pass by through the glass pane and dreaded what was to come in silence, nothing but The Beatles' 'Come Together, comforting him. Great, now if his life would just come together, that'd be real swell.

 

*****

 

The first day of school, September 3rd, the day after Labor Day had been something every teenager was dreading. No one liked coming back to school after summer, but usually, every student came back, none disappeared without a trace. It was clear that something was different, everyone, even the people who never really knew Stiles could feel the missing presence that set everything off, even teachers. So in first period, English, Scott could see that people were eyeing up the desk Stiles sat at in Freshman year, especially, when a new girl by the name of Allison walked in and was told to sit at said desk, right behind him. After he offered her a pen because thanks to his werewolf sense, he heard her panic about not having one, instead of retreating her hand after receiving the pen, she kept contact with him and whispered "Why's everyone looking at me?"

"Uh, you're sitting in someone's old seat. He, uh, left, no one's seen him and that was his seat, nothing about you, it's just different. You know?" He whispered back.

"Oh, okay, is this the person who was on all the posters?"

"Yeah." He told her before the teacher commanded everyone's attention to begin discussing the syllabus.

 

*****

 

Stiles awoke when he saw that the train was seconds away from pulling up at the station. His stomach tied into knots instantly, his lungs felt more deprived of oxygen as he mustered up the will to get off the train with his duffel bag and backpack and into the station to make his exit back to his home. Only it was raining, very heavily, only when Stiles had no means of getting home, no cash for a bus or taxi, no one to pick him up, just his own legs to carry him, would it rain this awfully. Everything was soaked and the rain was not letting up anytime soon, so sucking it up, he began to make his slow pace along the road, knowing it would take maybe two hours to get back to his home. With the rain pouring, he couldn't tell if he water on his face was raindrops or tears, which for now he was happy not to investigate because it would only alert him to how sad and miserable he really was feeling and that was a lot to handle in public.

 

*****

 

After finally trudging his way home, soaked from head to toe and his clothes drenched and clinging to his skin, he pulled out his key and unlocked the front door. As he stepped inside and dumped his bags at the door he'd closed behind him, he made his way into the empty living room. Empty, just like everywhere else in the house and his life. As he took in the room, he was smacked back into reality when he saw that most of the living room was boxed up, only the couches and the coffee table still laid out as they were, it reminded him that his dad was really gone and that he was alone, unable to live here anymore since he was only 15, even if his dad left him it in his will, he couldn't even claim it until he was 18.

He made his way into the kitchen, a very much similar state, only the counters and a few cups still out and took a few minutes to fix himself a coffee that was sorely needed. He set the coffee down on the coffee table and made his way upstairs. He pushed open the door labelled STILES and witnessed that his room too was also boxed up, removing any sentiment of memory of his own, his whole life could just be cleaned up like it never happened. Nothing but a bed frame and mattress, an empty desk and wardrobe and cardboard boxes, probably containing his clothes, photos, etc. His eyes watered as he moved to his father's bedroom and saw it in an exact similar state and made his way quickly back into the living room, unable to bear witness.

He cradled his now cold coffee in his hands, the cup titled BEST DAD EVER!!!!XXXX in the messy, scribbly handwriting of his five year old self, and let his tears freely run into the coffee, creating little vibrations in the black liquid.

A few minutes later, the door opened, he tilted his head up to see who was intruding, and also fear in seeing who would first now of his return. Disgust and anger filled him as he saw his mother standing before him looking at him, looking so happy to see him, but he knew it was false. He hadn't seen her once since the divorce five years ago and frankly what he had seen in those first ten years of his life was overwhelmingly disappointing.

"Hey, baby, you're back. Perfect timing, too, just in time to come with me." She said 'happily'.

"What." He stated, did she say he was going with her, no chance in hell.

"Stiles you can't live here, you need to live with your parent, me, so I've had your things moved to my house, our new home."

Stiles looked at her finger and saw an engagement diamond. What the fuck. She didn't tell him he was moving, didn't tell him he was going to live with her, didn't tell him she was engaged.

"What was your plan, mom, just move me into some random house with me kicking and screaming?" He asked irritated.

"You weren't exactly here for me to inform you."

"Still, you couldn't have waited a few weeks or something after I'd came back to at least say goodbye? And how long have you been engaged, huh?"

A few minutes later, Stiles was in the passenger seat beside his mother, his bags all in the car.

"It's a new development, we've been engaged for a few months. I've recently moved in with him." Claudia told him.

"And you didn't tell me, why? Because a few months ago, I was still here. You didn't think I should know I'd have a stepdad? Does he have kids, then I'd also not know about any step siblings." He challenged with little energy.

"Yes, he has three." Stiles' eyes widened.

"And he's fine with a fourth kid that's not even his moving in, when you just did? I really doubt that. Have you even talked to him about that? It's not a very you move." He criticized.

"Yes, I talked to him and he's fine with it." She gleamed.

Stiles hated that look.

 

*****

 

Stiles tensed as they pulled up into the drive of a large White House that he could tell housed a wealthy family, which meant he was going to be out of place immediately. Claudia forced him up the steps to the porch and she opened the door. Stiles stood in the hall as she closed the door behind him and saw three people standing looking at him. The first, a man in his 40s, well groomed, still quite handsome and young looking, who pressed a kiss to his mother's lips when she approached. The other two were from his school, Derek, the popular guy at school everyone wanted to be or be with, this was gonna be hell, the guy is gonna hate having to live with him. The other person was his younger sister, Cora, who was a grade below him and Derek. Each of them had a different reaction, the fiancé had a happy smile on his face, Cora didn't seem to care nonetheless and Derek had a smile of his own, happy but something else he couldn't identify.

"Stiles, I'm Theodore Hale, it's good to have you here. Your bedroom is upstairs on the right at the end of the hall."

Stiles gave a small smile as he took his bags upstairs and at the same time eagerly getting away from everyone.

When he opened the door to his knew bedroom, he immediately felt alien to it. Everything was white. White painted walls, white wooden floorboards, white bedsheets, white dressers and closets, white curtains and it was so plain and bare. It didn't help that the room was huge, excessively huge, there wasn't any need for it, he liked having a regular sized bedroom in his regular house where his bedroom didn't look clinical and like a hospital, it made him feel uneasy. In the corner, he saw all his boxes of things what he would need to house in the room, he would also definitely be putting up some posters or something because this room was just too lacking in personality.

After Stiles sat on the window seat, taking in everything that was happening, he decided he needed a drink so he headed downstairs into the completely white kitchen to retrieve a bottle of water from the refrigerator. When he turned around with the bottle in hand, everyone was sitting at the table dining on dinner and his mother asked, "Stiles, come join us."

He saw everyone look at him, Theodore seemed like he wanted him to and Derek looked inquisitively at him, like he was searching for something. "No thanks, I'm not hungry." He said as he went back to his room.

After depositing the bottle on the bed, he took a blade from his bag and went into the bathroom, the door next to his room, and locked it behind him. He looked in the mirror and saw the purple bags under his eyes and the red rim of them, he rolled up his sleeves, exposing rows of scars littering his arms, some white and faded, some purple and the recent ones red, documenting his years of unhappiness, misery and feeling of hollowness he'd never exposed to anyone. Not even Scott.

As the sliced the blade through his skin, he thought back to the one person who knew about his problems: his dad. Tears sprinkled down his face as he remembered how great his dad was about everything, he always loved and cared for him, even when we was busy and swamped at the station while his mother was too lazy be employed, she believed she should be treated like a queen and shouldn't have to lift a finger, so she'd just stay home drunk on the couch all day blowing the money his dad earned from long hour shifts to support a whole household on one average pay check. She wouldn't do anything to help, leaving his dad to raise him alone and work full time with no help, Stiles couldn't stand her, in the whole ten years of his life, the length their marriage lasted before his dad finally filed for divorce, that's all he'd ever known of her, she'd always failed to give him any hope that she is capable of anything good.

So when his dad walked in on him cutting himself for the first time when he was twelve, he understood his son and he made him know that he was there for him. It was the only help he'd ever had. But now he was gone. And Stiles was all alone. He had no one to turn to now so he knew that all he could do was plummet downwards as his life had been going. He showered to wash away the blood and rain and tears but the scars still remained. When he had dried and changed clothes, he stepped out of the bathroom, he saw Derek standing at the top of the stairs, looking at him with hurt in his eyes. It made Stiles remember standing at a bus stop the day his dad died, it was dark out and he was about to get on the bus and when he looked to the side, he saw Derek, of all people, giving him that same hurt look.

Stiles snapped out of it and went back into his bedroom. He pulled out a bottle of vodka from his duffel bag and uncapped the lid and sat at the window seat. He raised the bottle to his lips, bracing his throat as the liquid burned his throat going down and the tears stinging as they left his eyes once more. An hour later and half of the bottle gone, he capped the bottle and crawled into bed, dreading what was to come when he'd return on the second day of school and not knowing what would happen.

The one thing he knew, this wasn't his home and he didn't belong here. He never would.


	2. Another Head Hangs Lowly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Zombie" by The Cranberries

The next day when Stiles woke up, he had no desire to get out of bed. You would have thought the vodka would have knocked him out into a deep sleep but, frankly, it did the opposite. His sleep was assaulted by nightmares. There was fire and there was his dad. It was a case of deja vu he had never wanted to experience. But "I want" never gets. He knew he had to get to school on time so after showering, brushing his teeth and throwing on some clothes, he headed downstairs to leave.

At least that was the plan until he heard the god awful yelling from his mother, "Stiles! Get in here!"

"What?" He hissed as he entered the kitchen, seeing everyone sitting at the table again, everyone in the same seat, Claudia and the fiancé sitting at either ends of the table, Cora and Derek sitting opposite each other on the sides, leaving a free seat next to Derek.

"You already missed dinner last night, we're gonna have breakfast together, we're a family." She said with perfect poise, irritating Stiles. He didn't want to sit around and watch her play house in a nice big rich mansion, they were from the average Joe's suburbs, they didn't do crystal tables with chandeliers hanging above them, they didn't do family meals, they didn't do family time, they didn't even do being a family. It was a load of bullshit Stiles was not about to buy. He did, however, silently revel in delight like a dog with a bone when he saw the smile on Cora's face falter slightly, didn't she say the engagement was recent? Yeah, they were not a family at all.

"I'm not hungry." Which was true, that and he didn't want to sit around with a bunch of strangers who probably disliked him as much as he disliked this situation. The fiancé seemed nice enough but Cora - he seen her around, like, middle school, but she was starting as a freshman now, so practically a stranger - and Derek - the popular jock who was most definitely not associated with him - Why would he want to sit and eat breakfast with these people?

"Sit." She hissed as she kept a smile on her face and leaned over, gripping the back of the empty seat with white knuckles.

He dumped his bag on the hardwood floor and sat next to Derek, ignoring the glances he was giving him.

"Stiles, eat something." Claudia prodded at him.

The table was littered with a buffet of bacon, ham, sausages, eggs however you liked them served, hash browns, mushrooms and tomatoes, an assortment of juices, toast and spreads, croissants and other pastries, various flavours and fillings of pancakes, and bowls full of different fruits.

Stiles reached over to a bowl containing a monstrous mountain of snow white coconut chunks and retrieved one from the pile and placed it in his mouth. He pressed it into his cheek with his tongue to emphasise that HE WAS EATING and chewed it slowly. He then stood up, hooking a strap of his bag over his left shoulder and looked to Claudia.

"Thanks for breakfast." he deadpanned before walking out of the room to the front door, leaving behind a stunned Claudia with a look of utter speechless shock and fury, not noticing the amused smirks from the Hale siblings.

"Stiles, wait! Derek's gonna drive you to school."

"I'll pass." He snarked as he walked out the door and closed it behind him, he'd rather walk than endure an awkward ride to school with the Hale siblings, Derek already had a group of wannabes following him aimlessly around at school and Cora no doubt already had a fully formed fanbase, he was not about to become the weird tag along step brother. There would literally be nothing worse.

The only thing, however, was that it meant he had to walk past Scott's house on his walk to school. It made his stomach knot and an unpleasant feeling form in his chest at the sight of it, it was very strange for Stiles to have spent eight years going over to that house regularly and now for it all of a sudden be completely alien to him slammed him back down to reality, reminding him of how much things will have changed and how awkward it will truly be for Stiles to return to school.

Of course, Stiles' pride meant that he arrived minutes after the bell for first period went. English. So now he was also going to be walking in late on top of being missing for a month. Excellent.

He opened the door and asked "Is this English?"

"Yes. Take a seat." The teacher told him as he pointed to the only free desk left in the room, right next to his regular desk that some unfamiliar brown haired girl was sitting in, what the hell? Oh and one down to the left of Scott. Great.

"Who's that?" Allison asked Scott as she saw a brown haired boy slowly walking down the isle towards the desk next to her.

"That's the guy that was missing. Uh, he was my best friend. His dad died on the last day of July and the next day he was just gone, nowhere to be seen, he didn't tell anyone where he went. Some people said he ran away because his dad died, some said he was on drugs or he went to jail, some said he died or committed suicide." He whispered back as he saw Stiles walk towards him to get to his desk.

Stiles looked to his left and saw Allison give a smile at him so he returned her a small smile back but he kept his head down and stayed quiet to keep attention away from him, not that it worked since everyone was staring at him the whole time.

He managed to avoid Scott next period in biology since he wasn't in his class. However, he had to sit at a desk next to Isaac who didn't do anything annoying to him or act like an ass but he was giving him these weird looks like he was studying him. It made him feel uneasy. Even worse, Derek sat at the desk behind him with a blonde who looked like Erica, damn she had changed since last year when she was epileptic and wore loose fitting clothes, now wearing a short leather skirt and white crop top, displaying her fluorescent green bra underneath to everyone. For some reason, he felt the pair's eyes piercing through him, though he tried to just shrug it off as thinking too hard and imaging it, it wasn't real.

 

*****

 

At lunch, Stiles hid himself away in the library to get away from everyone and finish writing up notes that he missed yesterday.

Until a body sat beside him and nudged his shoulder. Scott.

"Dude!" Scott shouted.

"SSHHHH!!" The whole room reprimanded.

"What the hell, Stiles? Where were you? What happened? Why didn't you tell me?" He prodded.

"I'm sorry, I had to leave. I freaked out and I went to New York. I just couldn't stay, it was too hard and my dad died, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just live in my house anymore. I didn't have any family I could live with, I wasn't gonna let them put me in foster care or something."

"I get it, I'm so sorry that happened to you but you could have told me, you could have stayed with me. You still can." Scott offered.

Stiles' thoughts were hijacked as he was suddenly thrown back to July 31st from summer, more specifically to 9:14pm that day.

 

He had just arrived at the hospital after receiving a call, telling him his father was there. His dad hadn't come home that night, but he was the Sheriff, it was expected and it was the usual. How was he supposed to have known that he hadn't come home because there was a fire at a house, caused by arson, and there was a mother's baby trapped in there. His dad, being the amazing person he was, had ran in to save the baby and somehow, the baby had gotten out, placed on the doorstep for the mother to claim yet the Sheriff had been trapped in the fire. It was strange, it was suspicious but there was no explanation.

So he arrived to the high pitched screeching and whining of a flatline heart rate with a crowd of doctors around his dad, detecting his lack of pulse and holding watches to declare his time of death. Meanwhile, Stiles stood there watching, paralyzed as Melissa grabbed his body and fiercely crushed him to her body, stroking her hands along his back and through his hair, trying to soothe him by whispering comfort to him.

"DAAAAAAAAAA-HAHADDDD!!!!" He screamed, voice breaking, causing him to lose his breath and gasp heavily.

"Shhh, it's gonna be okay." Melissa tried to calm him down.

"I don't have anyone left." He cried and sobbed into her shoulder, full of despair.

A few hours later after sitting with his dad's lifeless body and being pelted with thoughts of funeral arrangements and urns and tombstones and cremations and hearses and legal documents and wills he finally left and sat at the bus stop outside the hospital, puffing on a cigarette, old tears leaving track marks down his face and new ones streaming in the coldness. He had no clue what time it was but he knew it was definitely past midnight.

As the bus pulled up and he discarded his cigarette bud to to the ground and stood to get on, he looked to the right and saw Derek, of all people, standing there looking distraught, looking at him with hurt written all over his face, his eyes looking vulnerably into his.

He looked to Derek, his bottom lip quivering, unshed tears filling the lining of his eyes as he took quick huffs of air, making Derek look pained from seeing him like that.

Then he got on the bus.

 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Scott snapping his fingers in front of his face "Stiles?"

"I'm sorry. I panicked." He whispered softly to Scott.

"Hey, I get it. The offer still stands."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen. Claudia's back."

"Oh shit!" Scott fired back, shocked.

"Yeah, she's been radio silent for five years and then she showed up at my house last night when I got back and she had been shipping all my stuff to her new house without fucking telling me any of it. Oh and she's engaged. To Derek Hale's dad. And I'm living there now. With his dad, Derek and Cora. What the fuck."

"Oh my God, dude." He said, surprisingly mellow.

"You don't sound shocked, like at all. What's going on?"

"Okay, this might sound crazy but I already knew. I knew because I'm a werewolf."

"I'm sorry, what the fuck, even if that were true, how does that have anything to do with this?"

"Right, so I got bit while you were gone," he flashed his eyes yellow and sprouted claws from his hands as proof, okay he was a werewolf, "And I have a pack."

"Okay, so who's in this pack of yours?" He asked sceptically.

"Erica, Boyd, Isaac-"

"Isaac? I sit next to him in bio!"

"Lydia and Jackson-"

"Ugh! Them two? Seriously?"

"And Derek and Cora."

"What the fuck, Scott?! And also why all of you? None of you hang out together, maybe like in small groups but how are you all connected?"

"So we were all bit by Peter Hale, Cora and Derek's uncle, and he was crazy, like rabid and psycho so they had to kill him so Derek became the alpha."

"The alpha? And also what about their dad?"

"The alpha is the leader, so Derek's in charge, but not like in that evil dictator way and their dad knows but he's not in the pack, he was with Derek's mom and oldest daughter, Laura but with the divorce they moved to New York, he didn't really want to be in a pack with some teenagers. But your mom doesn't know. That's also how I knew you were moving in, Derek told us."

"Ok. You could have just lied, you know?"

"Not really. They all wanna meet you anyway so I'd have to tell you anyway." He levelled.

"What?! Oh my God, why?! And they already met me at school, so what the hell does "meeting" me mean?!" Stiles asked, suspiciously.

"They want to get to know you."

"And why? I'm not a werewolf. Why do they need to know me, what makes me so special?"

"Because you're my best friend." He said like it was obvious.

"Yeah, well I'm pretty sure Jackson doesn't go around telling all his jock friends about this, or Lydia telling all her girlfriends about it, huh?"

"Okay, you're an exception."

"Yeah, why?" He asked, very curious and a little worried, why the hell was he a person of interest?

"Because you're important and you're gonna be part of the pack."

"When and who decided this? And when am I supposed to be 'meeting' them?"

"Derek, once you came home and tomorrow. Oh, and tonight we're going to a party." He answered Stiles' multiple questions.

"Party?"

"Yeah, kind of a going back to school thing. They'll all be there."

"Then what's the point of meeting them tomorrow instead of tonight?"

"Derek and Cora won't be there tonight."

Stiles rolled his eyes, this was already too difficult.

 

*****

 

Derek sat behind the bookcase, listening to the conversation, very happy that the boy who held his affections for so long had taken to the whole werewolf idea fine, more concerned over people than them being the species. He had missed the boy greatly while he was away and watching him walk away and get on that bus stung like nothing before, it was it going to happen again, he was without question a part of the pack already, he still would have been even if the rest of the pack weren't completely psyched and on board to have him join them.


	3. You Can't Let Everything Seem So Dark Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is shorter than usual but the next thing that happens I want as a new chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Black Beauty' by Lana Del Rey

That night as Stiles was leaving to walk down to Scott's house so they could go to the party together, he was stopped at the door by none other than Claudia.

"And where do you think you're going, young man?" She pestered like he was a petulant child.

"What am I, twelve?" Stiles rolled his eyes.

"You think I'm gonna let you pull another disappearing act on us?" She asked.

"I would hardly say it affected you, we haven't seen or spoke to each other in five years." He told her.

"And whose fault is that?" She admonished.

"Yours," he waved his hands in the air in outrage, "Did I make you leave the house, did I make you get a divorce and fuck off?" He chastised.

"Where are you going?" She asked level headedly, clearly trying to change the subject upon seeing Theodore and Derek enter the room at the commotion.

"A party." He said vaguely, voice monotone.

"Who's? And will there be alcohol?"

"Some Junior kid, I dunno, and yes."

"And why would I let a fifteen year old go to an alcoholic party?"

"Because you had no problem drinking around your newborn baby. And why would you suddenly care about that?"

She offered no response.

"I'll see you later, Claudia." He told her, he would never address her as his mother, never after everything she had done, as he walked out the door, closing it with a thud behind him.

 

*****

 

Once they arrived at the party, the aroma of sex, alcohol, smoke and sweat permitted the room, even to Stiles' nose. The room was full of grinding bodies, couples making out on the couches, jocks chugging cups of stale beer and playing beer pong, and thumping shitty pop music. Seeing a couple devouring each other's faces in a sloppy make out prompted Scott to offer "Dude, we gotta lose our virginity soon, man." He said excitedly.

"Sound more like a stereotypical package of teen hormones, that's how teen pregnancies happen. Too eager and in a rush." He said offhandedly.

"You don't wanna have sex?" He asked, completely baffled at this absurd idea.

"It's not that I don't wanna have sex, I'm just not in a rush," he said, "I'd just rather keep sex for people who are special to me and deserve to have that part of me, he give it away to some stranger who doesn't care about you. I'd rather wait and have it be great with someone I care about than just about getting off." He shrugged his shoulders, he may do a lot of questionable and under aged things, but sex was really intimate and he knew that it was a big thing to do with someone. And sex really complicated things and could be really shameful if you regretted it.

Stiles already had a bag full of regrets and more, he didn't need to add to his baggage.

"Oh, I kinda get that, you did always say it should be special, now that I think about it."

"Yeah, it should be. Remember, you only lose it once."

Scott didn't pay attention as he focused on Allison, who was talking to Lydia, only aware of the backless dress she was wearing and her big toothy grin as she conversed with he red headed friend.

"Dude, go talk to her." Stiles said, covering up his desire to be with his friend.

"You sure?"

No, he wasn't, but what kind of friend would he be if he told him 'No, don't go talk to that girl you like"? A really shitty and unsupportive one, and he'd already fled before, he was walking on eggshells. But since Scott had told him at lunch that werewolves could hear lies easier than it was to breath oxygen, there was no hope in hell he was gonna tell him the truth, it was easier to just pretend he was fine and slap a smile on his face.

"Go talk to her." He said instead, knowing it couldn't reflect how he was feeling, now isolated and alone.

Scott bounced over to Allison and quickly struck up a conversation with her, both smiling and laughing. Stiles took that as his leave and moved over to the drinks table, picking up a red solo cup and the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting beside it. He poured about a scotch glass worth into the cup and slung it back like water. He then held his cup out as he filled it up to the brim with whiskey, he needed some serious consoling that really, only alcoholic beverages seemed capable of fulfilling.

The whiskey burned his throat as it went down but he liked it, he was used to it. He sat himself on a lone armchair near a window, nestled and buried behind bodies so there would be no unwanted attention directed to him and nobody he knew could see him. Left alone with his thoughts, his 'happy' mood quickly fleeced, almost instantaneously. He remembered the deep sadness he was feeling constantly, the way he had to sneak out of classes since Freshman year for a bathroom break where really he would lock himself in the stalls and unleash his panic attack he'd been trying to restrain for the full period, trying so fucking hard to look normal and fine when he couldn't even breath.

Even around Scott, he still felt sad and unhappy, lonely. He tried pushing it to the back of his mind when he was with people but it never worked. Right beneath that smile and sarcasm sat his secret truth, his running thoughts of crying and despondency, the way his thoughts lingered on death and how it would happen to him, how insignificant he was in anyone's life. You could pretty much subtract him from Beacon Hills and nothing would really change, Scott had a pack now, he probably didn't even miss him, and he didn't have his dad, he didn't even fit into anyone's life anymore. He fired whiskey down his throat at knowing that Claudia would never miss him, she never loved him or cared from him in all the fifteen years of being his mother. And if he didn't have Scott or his parents, who's lives were left for him to inhabit? No one's.

Realising he had downed the cup's contents, he stood back up and poured himself another full cup of vodka this time.

"Woah, ain't you gonna cut that with some coke or soda?" A blonde girl asked beside him, shocked and amused at him. If he had been more in control of his inhibitions and not drinking on an empty stomach bar one chunk of coconut from breakfast, he would have noticed it was Erica.

"Mixers are for amateurs." Stiles snarked, eyes half lidded from lack of care for this conversation and judgement.

"And you're well versed in drinking?" She quizzed, predatory grin plastered to her face.

"Jim Bean since twenty-thirteen." He deadpanned as he raised his vodka a little in the air before raising it to his lips and swallowing about a quarter of the cup.

"Twenty-thir-what? You've been drinking since you were eleven?" She asked, astounded and somewhat devastated (?)

"Yup. My genetics are a bit of a fuckup, I got my dad's high IQ, but I also got my mom's damaging alcoholic tendencies and poor life decision making," He told her impassively, "The dark humor, though, that's all mine." He gave an impassive smile as he walked away, so ready to drink his kidneys to failure.

 

*****

 

A couple hours later and multiple full plastic cups of rums and whiskeys, he is definitely shitfaced and flying off the handles of the earth, yet he's totally silent in his suffering. No amount of alcohol will make him expose his dirty laundry.

Everything he saw were at least doubled quantity, he was seeing at least two of everything. But that didn't stop him from taking up the offer of a weed joint from some dude who looked like a Senior, simply nodding his head and holding it in his mouth as the guy lit it up for him.

He didn't have a fucking clue where Scott was, if he was even still here, or what time it was but he would rather sit on the porch steps in the back garden huffing marijuana than go home to Claudia or go anywhere else. Even the weed and alcohol didn't cure his sadness, he still felt his heavy heart, so heavy it felt like it sunk to his stomach, like it was so heavy he was carrying around a ton weight.

He felt miserable and they say misery loves company. And that was true, but for Stiles, the company was a cocktail of other sad, upsetting, negative and toxic emotions as presences instead of people.

The misery grew as he heard someone yelling his name as he sat on the porch, droopy eyed and apathetic.

Was he imagining it? The yelling was a good distance away, like it was inside the house.

"Oh, you mean that cool guy with the messy hair and funny jokes?" Some dude chuckled, clearly high.

"YES!" He heard the person yell.

"He's out there, man, you could use a joint, too, mellow you out, just saying." Some girl said, clearly not in the mood for this guy's impatient temper.

"Stiles!" He heard the shout and gasp next to him. He looked to his side and saw Derek standing there, looking down to him, looking worried.

"What?" He asked lazily.

"Come on, I'm taking you home." He said softly, seeming to sense the sadness that Stiles suspected wafted off him like mold on blue cheese.

"No." He gave a little whine, trying to prevent the drugs and alcohol from opening the gateway of tears, he couldn't let Derek see him cry.

Derek softened his eyes and leant down and picked him up, wrapping Stiles' legs around his waist, hooking Stiles' arms around his shoulder and resting Stiles' head on one of them and then walked them back to his camaro.

He ever so gently deposited Stiles into the passenger seat and reached into the backseat to retrieve a blanket and cover him in it. He strapped Stiles' seatbelt on and made his way to the driver seat and cruised home.

 

*****

 

He pulled up into the driveway and carried Stiles into the house, carefully taking him upstairs and laying him on Derek's bed, taking off his shoes, khakis and plaid overshirt. He tucked him into the blankets and then removed his shoes, shirt and jeans and crawled into the bed beside him.

Derek propped himself up on an elbow and rested chin on the palm of his hand, unable to look away from Stiles.

"Why would you do this to yourself?" Derek whispered sadly.

"It's all too hard." He mumbled quietly.

Derek thinks in that moment his heart bled, hearing those words come from him as he stroked Stiles' brown unruly hair.


	4. Throw It All Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Just Tonight' by The Pretty Reckless

A week went by and Stiles and Derek hadn't talked about the momma Derek incident where he carried Stiles home and had his drunken body cradled against him. They were going to be step brothers, it was completely inappropriate for Stiles to have love feelings for him, not okay at all. It was so not okay, Stiles wouldn't dare even admit those feelings to himself. What could he say, he's was a martyr.

He had also officially met the pack, which hadn't been bad, per say, but it didn't feel sincere. They were all nice to him, even Jackson and Lydia but they acted as though they had known Stiles for ages and yeah they had went to school together since Elementary, but he had rarely spoken to any of them. They all acted like they cared a great deal about him like he was so important but Stiles just felt as though a curtain had been lifted and he could see behind the scenes, where you knew all the special effects and it made him feel disillusioned from them. Like he knew the truth that they didn't care about him, they were probably just pity friends feeling bad for the runaway boy who's dad died. So he did what every normal human being did when people we're nice to them.

He avoided them all like the plague.

But that hiding from contact was a slippery slope, the longer he was left alone, the more his thoughts were able to dominate his mind free of reign and when they gained control, it was harder to pull himself out of them and go and see and talk to people. That's how he ended up staying in bed and skipping school, telling Claudia he was too ill to go, not that she batted an eye, too busy romancing Derek's dad. That's how he ended up feeling miserable and crying into his pillow so nobody could here him and taking long showers with fragrant soaps and colognes so certain werewolves *cough Derek* couldn't smell the sadness oozing out of his pores.

He stopped eating again, the thought of food made him feel queasy and his limbs quickly slimmed down, not that they had much weight to lose in the first place, his weight read 112 pounds on the scales and his skin turned paler than normal as the bags stitched to his eyes grew deeper purples.

He braced himself as he sat in the bathtub and observed the pale blue veins in his arms as he dragged a razor blade across them, reopening old wounds that hadn't healed yet, much like his heart. The cutting was a dulled, now numb pain that he felt, he could never forget the first time he did it.

He was eleven and he did it over the kitchen sink with some small scissors. His dad walked in and caught him. The night was full of yelling and crying, begging his son to never do that again and to talk to him always. It was the first time Stiles felt support and his dad became his support system, the only one who knew and could help him through it. He got him immediately to a counsellor and at thirteen, after a string of useless fresh out of school graduates, he was finally diagnosed with depression by his shitty middle school counsellor.

"No shit," He had said sarcastically, deranged smile on his face as he looked at her, "Tell me something I don't know." He had snarled in anger.

Because they had all been useless, none of them cared or gave a shit or knew what was going on with him or offered him anything to help.

Time after time, his dad caught scars littered on his arms, and found him drunk from opening the liquor cabinet but he never got mad, he always just cleaned him up if needed, sat him in the couch next to him, pulled over the pillows and blankets and told him they were gonna watch movies until they both fell asleep, keeping his small, woeful child cuddled to him, unwilling to lose his son after managing to get rid of his awful mother.

Stiles clenched his eyes shut at the memories, knowing he'll never get to have any knew ones again or see his dad again. And how he had felt so disgraced with himself about the funeral, he had snuck back into town to attend his dad's funeral but kept hidden behind trees in the graveyard to prevent anyone seeing him.

The minister had talked about the Sheriff, how selfless he was and how he had raised a fine young boy alone, and said how unfortunate it was that the son wasn't here to attend. Stiles thought in that moment about walking out from behind the trees, announcing he was there and giving his dad a final sendoff. Instead he ran away and got back on the train to New York. He was such a coward and he was so disrespectful to his father.

Who could care about him now, he was a bad person, and he was miserable, and he was a cutter, who the fuck would want him in their life? He knew it couldn't be true that the werewolves wanted him around, he just wanted to know why they were hanging around him, offering caring glances at him at school, sitting beside him at lunch, well, Derek sitting beside him, for some reason it was unspoken that everyone changed around seats on their table regularly but no matter where Stiles sat, Derek was always next to him. He just had no idea why, it couldn't be a pack thing, because he wasn't pack, he wasn't a wolf and none of them were really friends with him, whenever Stiles had been around, Scott just shrugged him off to talk to Allison, be with Allison, and talk about Allison with anyone except from him.

How could someone feel so alone when they were surrounded by people? Stiles had no idea but here he was, living it.

Deciding he needed to get some relief, he got dressed and left to go to a club, alcohol was sorely needed.

 

*****

 

After getting into the club with his fake-ID (New York was an amazing place for crime), he sat at the bar, grimacing at the sticky counter but nonetheless ordered a platter of shots of vodka. Handing the bartender the cash, he slung back all seven shots consecutively, not caring about the burn in his throat or that the spirits smelt like they belonged in a hospital's drug cabinet.

Hurting at the thought of hospitals, he walked into the bathroom to splash some water on his face to snap himself out of it. He didn't count on some dude in his late twenties to tell him "You look rough, man."

"Gee, thanks" He replied, thanks Captain Obvious.

The guy smelled like weed and he pressed some white pills into his hand and walked out the room.

They were drugs of some sort, he didn't know what it was but it was obvious they were drugs. He looked in the mirror and took in his wrecked looking form and then to the handful of pills in his hand. What did he have to lose? He tossed them all into his mouth and swallowed in one go and walked back to the bar.

He paid for a second round and slung them all back and just after, some girl, maybe seventeen or something, approached him and took him by the arm onto the dance floor. Being wasted on fourteen shots of vodka, he was in no position to fight off some flirtatious girl's advances and honestly, he was past the point of caring, what was the point in saying no, the point in anything, the point in living?

They grinded for all of two minutes, well she grinded, he kinda stood there doing nothing, not paying attention to anything, and then she took him by the hand yet again to the bathroom, men's or women's, he had no clue. She locked them in a stall together and pulled out a condom packet.

Stiles never wanted causal sex or one night stands, he thought they were self damaging and he knew he just wasn't built or them. Yet he let her out on the condom and he stood there passively as she inserted him into herself and grinded herself onto him against the door until she orgasmed. Did it count as losing your virginity if you never came? It probably still did.

Once they were done, they both walked out the door, Stiles walked back to the bar while the girl walked off in the opposite direction, Stiles didn't even know what colour her hair was or what she looked like. He ordered one single shot of vodka and chugged it as he sat there thinking about what he had just done.

He had just went against all of his morals, he said sex should be important, and he knew he would hate it otherwise and yet he still did it. Why? He had no clue, all he did know was that he felt disgusted with himself, he felt sick and dirty and ashamed. He couldn't see straight and he felt more self hatred in that moment than ever before, even at the funeral. He got up and walked out of the club, stumbling towards the nearest convenient store, the clerk not even asking for ID as he slapped a bottle of Jack Daniels on the counter, the clerk could probably tell the poor guy needed it, feeling pity for him.

He walked out the store with the bottle in hand and immediately started drinking from it as he made his way back to the house. He stumbled everywhere and couldn't see the path properly, he could barely see the curb preventing him from tripping into the road where cars were flying past and would probably kill him. Would that be such a bad thing?

His stomach churned at the sight of the empty whiskey bottle, in disbelief at finishing the full contents and still functioning without death, discarding the bottle carelessly as he pressed on.

Before he knew it, he was standing outside the house at the lawn. Looking at the living room window, he could see the entire pack all gathered, they all looked like they were enjoying spending time together, they were all smiling and looking happy. Stiles wasn't a part of that picture, he knew it before but now it was crystal clear. He didn't belong here, or with them, just as he had predicted before he came back to a Beacon Hills, there was no place for him anymore.

So he didn't walk through the door and disrupt everything. It wasn't his home anyway, why barge in on all their fun, they'd have been hanging out there for weeks before Stiles showed up, it was their turf and Stiles wasn't going to ruin everything for everyone else just because he wasn't happy.

So he walked over to the entrance of the preserve, not far from the house and continued to stagger through the forest and trees until he found his way to a little clearing at the edge of a cliff. It was grassy and in spring and summer there were flowers sprouting out the ground, it was were his dad always used to take him throughout his life. They always used to just hang out there, it was a safe haven.

He laid himself down on his side, looking over the cliff and curled into a fetal position. He looked at the skyline of the town as he let exhaustion take him over and force him to fall asleep, the last thoughts in his head being how he just threw his body away.

Hours later, the pack were stood outside the preserve, watching as Derek came walking back out with a passed out Stiles cradled so delicately and gently in his arms, and took him back to the house, growling when Erica was walking a little too closely to the body in his arms.

 

*****

 

Stiles could understand why the pack were a little clingy after that. Although he didn't know how they knew he was in the forest, they were all busy enjoy themselves together, what did they randomly just think "Oh my God, I bet Stiles is asleep in the woods, lets go get him"?? He didn't think so. Why did they suddenly care, he didn't need them throwing pity parties everywhere he went. It just made him feel worse about himself.

So Stiles couldn't help it a few days later when he hadn't stopped feeling low after giving his body up for sex he didn't want and didn't support, he found it too hard to deal with.

The pain and sadness followed him around like it was stuck to his back, prompting him to walk into the kitchen and retrieve six boxes of ibuprofens from the kitchen when he noticed no one was home when he came in from school. It was too hard to live with this life when no one knew what he was going through, he was so alone and it hurt. His heart hurt.

He took himself upstairs to his bedroom with the boxes and proceeded to pop them all open on his bed after locking the door. There were so many, it was beyond worth counting, there were more than thirty and that should do the job so there was no point in counting. He swallowed them all systematically, hating how they dissolved in his mouth and clogged his throat but swallowed irregardless. Waiting for the pills to take effect, he lay on his side on the bed holding both his hands to his chest and curling his knees up to his stomach and processing his last minutes of life as everything turned black.

 

*****

 

He woke up and saw that it was now dark outside. It didn't work. He was still here and all the pills did was knock him out, he wasn't out of his misery. What a gyp!

He decided he should drink some water, so he unlocked his door and opened it to go downstairs.

Right outside his door, he saw Derek looking at him, distraught.

"Derek?" He whispered.

Derek immediately strode over and tightly gripped Stiles to his body, like he was afraid Stiles would disappear. Well he almost did. He gripped onto Stiles like he was Stiles' lifeline, which he probably was.

In that moment, Stiles finally broke. He buried his face into Derek's shoulder and all his tears came bursting out in loud sobs, tears staining the Henley he was resting his head on.

Derek pulled Stiles skin tight to him and shuffled them into Stiles' room and closed the door behind them, over to the bed, the whole time he kept Stiles plastered to him. He laid them on the bed and wrapped his arms around Stiles' back and waist, kissing the crown of his head.

Stiles countinued to cry, the sound the worst thing Derek could imagine. Stiles should never feel like that.

"I've got you," he murmured to Stiles. He raised Stiles' head and cupped his cheeks in the palms of his hands, "Always tell me when you're sad, always. Anytime, come and see me, even to just talk about TV or something, always. I'm here. Never do this again, okay." He told him.

Stiles nodded his head, still crying. Derek pulled Stiles' body back to his, lifting the blanket over them so Stiles could fall asleep feeling safe and with company. Stiles should never feel sad or unhappy, Derek hated it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to shoot me a prompt, I'm lacking in inspiration for other stories, and I could use some fresh ideas ;)


	5. Things That You Can't Undo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Fall to Pieces" by Avril Lavigne

That night freaked Stiles out. He couldn't handle these feelings he was having for Derek, he couldn't keep letting Derek catch him in these situations otherwise he would fall even more for him when he tried to comfort him. Stiles felt sadness at the thought that he wasn't capable of love, all he had ever known was watching his parents fight daily for their whole marriage until the overdue divorce when Stiles was ten.

He had no examples of a happy relationship, his parents' failed, Scott's parents' failed and so did Derek's - whenever their divorce happened. That's how he knew he couldn't do it, he knew love would leave him broken hearted, even when he was in love with someone, it'd be full of hardship and despair, and he never wanted to experience the hurt of unrequited love or watching someone he loved fall in love with someone else after they didn't work out, or worse, watching someone leave him. To prevent this, Stiles knew he had to stay away from Derek, no matter how hard it would be when they lived under the same roof.

Clearly, avoiding Derek wasn't an option as Derek refused to leave his side at school, they already sat beside each other at lunch but now, every class they shared, Derek swapped seats and sat beside him and the classes they didn't share, Derek was transferred into them and now sat beside him.

What was his deal?

Okay, yeah, he understood the worry from him overdosing but he felt like everyone was looking at him like they were scared to say the wrong word incase they set him off. Triggered him. Did the rest of the pack know about his suicide attempt? Did Derek tell them? Did Derek tell his family or Claudia?

He suspected that the pack didn't know because Jackson was still a fucking dick to him and Scott showed no care or concern for him. He didn't even look at Stiles, he just talked to and about Allison, what was new?

At lunch in the cafeteria, Jackson looked to him and said "You look strung out, Stilinski, you start doing heroin while you were gone or something?" He smirked arrogantly, creating laughs from the jocks at a table nearby, clearly audible since everyone was quiet at the tension that was clear between the two of them.

"No, meth actually. I still have some, wanna go smoke some?" He asked sarcastically. It was his only defence.

"Figures. Dead dad, trashy mother, the apple doesn't fall far from the poisoned tree, does it? Pretty easy fate to predict for you. Always knew you'd turn out just like your mom, a mess that no one wants to clean up, you already have the mess part down pact, right, I saw you slinging those shots back at the party. You're a fucking trashy mess." He laughed at him cruelly. Stiles looked and saw Derek looking so angry that he could kill, his white knuckles dug into the table, claws emerging. Meanwhile, Scott was looking completely unphased by those comments, like he thought "well he has a point". Derek had his back but fucking Scott, his "best friend" didn't? Where was Scott's fucking anger?! Stiles was so hurt and angry. That was single handedly the cruellest, most hurtful thing someone had said to him. He had to hold back the tears to save his dignity in front of everyone.

Stiles turned and moved to the food serving section that was right next to their table and picked up a soft serve ice cream cone, heaping with white scoops and walked back over to Jackson. He planted the cone face down right into the center of Jacksons head, dead look in his eyes as he crushed the cone into his quiff and shook his hand slowly in Jackson's face to rid his hand of any remnants of the dessert and looked straight into his face.

"At least I know who my parents are." He said calmly before slowly walking out the cafeteria, soaking in all the people looking at him astounded. Jackson's jaw dropped, and was Derek smirking. Scott looked offended. What an asshole.

For extra measure, when Stiles saw Jackson walking towards him angrily in the hallways when he was standing by his locker, he stuck his foot out, tripping Jackson onto the floor and telling him "Watch your step, Jackson, you might piss someone off." before walking off apathetically.

 

*****

 

At the house, Derek wouldn't allow Stiles to not be near him, everyday he kept Stiles plastered to his side in the living room as they watched the TV, watching animated Disney movies, watching the ones that Derek somehow knew were Stiles' favorites. When Stiles went to get a drink from the kitchen, Derek followed and he prominently kept his arm around Stiles' shoulder, eliciting a judging look from Claudia multiple times in the living room when they were sitting, prompting Derek to shoot her a sour look which pleased Stiles internally. Meanwhile, Theodore sat beside her and looked strangely happy at seeing his body being kept against Derek, he probably thought it was brotherly bonding or something, happy that they were getting along. Cora would shoot Derek looks like he was an idiot or something and she was frustrated with him while she looked at Stiles with the invisible message of "I know" written on her face. What did she know? That he liked Derek (no he fucking didn't, he couldn't), the dependency on alcohol, the sex, the cutting, the depression, what?

But that didn't stop him from waiting until everyone was asleep at night and the house was completely silent to pull out the hard liquor and drink himself to unconsciousness, everyone thinking his groggy awakening the next morning was just tiredness and distaste for school. If it wasn't liquor, he was slashing thin straight red lines into his arms and swallowing pills and lighting joints. He needed help feeling happy and they were the only way he could get it. The cutting made him feel like he had some ounce of control over the pain he was feeling, he was choosing to have this pain which was more than he could say for every other feeling he was having. It wasn't fair but you take what you get in this life, no matter how much it made him whine out silent tears for his pillows to hear. Needless to say Derek knew about it from the smell the next day and promptly refused to stay away from him.

"I know you're not okay but are you okay?" Derek asked him the day the Jackson incident happened.

"I was angry. Furious. I don't know how someone can be so vile but mostly, I'm just sad." He said to Derek in a gravelly voice, he hadn't been talking nearly as much as he used to.

Derek hugged him tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Stiles. You know that's not true, right? You're not some unpredictable apple that's following your mom's footsteps. You're you and who you are is fine, it's perfect. What he said, its not true, you hear me?" He told him softly but very serious, leaving no room for arguing.

Stiles didn't realize that he needed someone to tell him that for so long. He looked at Derek and nodded, tears in his eyes before burying his head in Derek's shoulder.

"I'm not an unpredictable apple." Stiles gave a small laugh to try and lighten the mood.

"Definitely not," Derek chuckled, "As long as you know that."

 

*****

 

Stiles couldn't be blamed for the warmth Derek's werewolfness emitted into him from the now cuddling, he had Stiles laying on his back on the couch, half with his back resting on Derek's chest, the other half resting against the back of the couch while the adults had went out to dine. The warmth was comforting and appreciated despite his reaffirmations that it couldn't happen and having Derek's arms reaching around to his chest gave him a sense of safety like no other. He couldn't be blamed for lulling himself to sleep from the warmth, the coziness, the humming against his hair and the sounds of Lightning McQueen and Mater on the TV, meaning he slept through the pack coming over and crowding into the neighboring sofas around the room.

"So what do we do about him?" Scott asked.

"Do about him?" Lydia asked like he was a moron "You don't just fix what's wrong with him."

"I'm worried about him," Isaac said quietly, "He's not loud like he used to be and he keeps to himself, he's avoiding all of us." He reminded them.

Derek rubbed his hands up and down Stiles' chest and stomach gently.

"That's his problem." Scott shrugged.

Everyone looked at him shocked, but Derek looked at him angrily.

"Have you ever considered why he's acting like this, Scott? The way I see it all you seem to care about is Allison. The hunter's daughter, really? Of all the people in our school you went for the only one you'd have a clear issue with that will obviously hinder the two of you from being together. Is that really a smart decision? I don't even think the dumbest person alive would do that." Derek scolded him harshly.

The rest of the pack offered nothing as a response but Derek did observe Erica and Boyd nodding their heads.

"He's right you know, Scott. Nothing against her but it's a really dumb move, especially when they're just moving into town." Erica told him.

Scott looked scandalized and offended, like this slander was unacceptable.

"You don't even speak to Stiles when he's near us at lunch." Boyd said.

"Stiles told me to talk to her!" Scott yelled.

Derek rubbed his index and middle finger over the creases on Stiles' forehead at the loud sound, causing Stiles' brow to furrow and him to turn slightly so the long sleeve of his shirt rubbed up his arm. Derek rubbed lightly over the creases until they dissipated, then noticing the now naked arm from Stiles' sleeve, exposing his scars and fresh cuts. Derek then turned his head furiously to Scott.

"But did he say cut him out of your life?" He said with his voice deadly even but very deep and growly.

"Oh my god, what are those?!" Scott said, still too loud and not sounding at all like someone usually would at finding out their supposed best friend has been cutting themself. Normally, you would feel sad at knowing they've been so unhappy that they've resorted to hurt themselves, upset that you didn't know or notice that they've been suffering and hurting. But Scott, he sounded disgusted that Stiles had done that, like it was shameful or reflected badly on himself rather than Stiles. Like he was the one being put out.

Derek was outraged. And Scott had alerted everyone else, to what Derek had suspected, in a public manner, Stiles didn't need to be exposed like this. And Scott had disturbed Stiles' sleep, and from what Derek had heard through the walls with his werewolf hearing, it was the first sleep in a while that wasn't riddled with nightmares and discomfort.

Derek looked to everyone except Scott, "Would you guys mind leaving?" He asked politely, knowing Erica, Boyd, Isaac, Lydia, and even Jackson who had been silent through all this but was the most likely to cause shit, didn't do anything wrong. Well, that's because Derek gave him a black eye for what he said to Stiles, he's lucky he's still breathing and he told him as such, Jackson's broken leg had healed to a sprain thanks to being a werewolf.

He then looked at Scott and said in his coldest tone, "Go. Leave now."

He watched everyone leave, holding onto Stiled tightly to make sure he wouldn't leave.

"Stiles," He whimpered, "Why did you do this?" He cried, tears flowing as he looked at the wounds on his love's arms.

"It hurts so much, Der," He cried, "It hurts so bad."

"Stiles, you need to start talking to me, I can't let you suffer your life away, look what it's making you do to yourself," He pleaded as he wiped Stiles' tears away so gently and cradled his cheeks.

"You're crying." Stiles gasped as Derek held his face softly.

"Because you're sad and hurting!" He cried hysterically, "I can't let you hurt." He gave a pitiful whine he'd only ever let Stiles see.

"Der, I'll try," He breathed desperately, "Can I have a hug?" He whispered.

"You don't have to ask." Derek told him as he fiercely brought Stiles into an embrace and refused to let go, wrapping the two of them skintight in a blanket on the sofa as he pressed play for Lilo & Stitch on the TV screen, the both of them crying and comforting each other, refusing to let the other go even an inch.


	6. Going Back to Get Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Franklin' by Paramore.

The next day in biology, Lydia, Isaac and Erica were all discussing hypothetical relationships.

"Oh my God, Lydia, you don't know what you're talking about, I'd be a great lay." Erica told her, full of confidence as she admired her manicured leopard print nails.

Lydia looked her up and down before giving her a stink eye "Clearly." Her words dripped sarcasm. Erica gaped at her, appalled at her underestimation.

"But seriously, Derek and Stiles, are we all in agreement that they'd be fucking goals?" Erica grinned.

While the pack all enthused in agreement, Derek turned to Stiles and smiled at him happily and Stiles gave him a small smile, knowing how true that was. But he didn't give a bigger smile because it could never happen and that would be false hope, which was toxic.

"That couldn't happen." Stiles gave him a smile as he said it so it came across like he was just joining in on the joke.

"Why not." Derek asked, genuinely curious, giving him a furrowed eyebrow, but not how it looked when he was angry, it was a furrow of puzzlement which made the muscley and hunky alpha look adorable. How was that fair?

Stiles took in a breath before looking back at Derek, "Because I'd fuck you up." He told him quietly and turned away from him.

"Why would you think that?" Derek asked.

Stiles looked at him, "Because my parents used to be in love. Then I happened. I ruin everything I touch." He said and turned back to his work, not looking at the devastated look Derek was giving him or the equally disappointed looks from Lydia, Erica and Isaac.

Later, at lunch, the pack and Stiles took their regular seats at their table in the cafeteria. Everyone was unnervingly tense and no one was speaking, the air felt heavy.

Derek leaned over the table and smacked the side of Jackson's head. "Don't you have something to say?" He asked irritatedly, motioning with his eyes towards Stiles who was sitting beside the angry alpha.

Jackson looked incredulous, "You want me to say sorry?! He dumped ice cream on me in front of everybody - I was humiliated! And then he tripped me in the hallway!" He said angrily.

"Jackson, you got off easy. Stiles dumping a soft serve over your head and tripping you over your feet is a slap on the wrist compare to what you deserve, did you really expect anything different from somebody when you mock them and their family?" He scolded, clearly at the end of his restraints on his temper. Scott, however, looked like he couldn't believe Derek was asking that of Jackson, and still refused to look or acknowledge Stiles. Stiles was confused, why wouldn't his friend talk to him anymore? He re-shifted his focus back onto the Derek-Jackson conversation.

"You're a werewolf with advanced reflexes, if you're still getting tripped over by a human, that's your problem. Arrogance can be blinding." Stiles said with a smug tone and an innocent smile.

"Very." Derek smirked.

"Fine, I'm sorry." Jackson grumbled.

"Woop!" Erica shouted loudly, relieved with the conclusion of the drama in the group.

Oh, if only that were true. Stiles wanted to know what was going on with Scott and he had a bone to pick with him, but that was hard to do when Scott was avoiding him left, right and center like a disease.

 

*****

 

So at the end of the school day, Stiles saw Scott at his locker, collecting his books and depositing them in his bag. Stiles soundered over to Scott and closed Scott's locker door loudly, causing Scott to jump.

"What is your problem, Scott?!" Stiles demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Scott said patronizingly.

"I'm talking about you completely ignoring me these past weeks! You didn't even talk to me when Jackson said those horrible things, you didn't stick up for me. I moved in with Derek literally only a few weeks ago and he was there for me - why weren't you? You're supposed to be my best friend but you didn't have my back when I needed you!" Stiles vented angrily, he was so frustrated.

"Why would I talk to you, you barely tell me anything that's going on in your life now." Scott attacked, clearly referencing the sleeping in the woods and the cuts on his arm. Thank God he didn't know about the loss of virginity, too.

"Maybe," Stiles raised his voice angrily, "That's because I can't get a word in edgewise anymore since all you do is talk about Allison! I get it, new relationship, honeymoon love and all that, but usually people make room for new people in their lives, they don't cut everyone else out. There are literally millions of people in the world right now who are in love, Scott, and they still act like themselves when they date someone new. But, clearly I'm asking too much, your one track mind clearly isn't capable of having more than one person in your life at once." Stiles sneered, finally letting go of all the hurt Scott had been causing him.

"Stiles, shut the fuck up, you don't know anything about love! You're not even capable of it!" Scott shouted.

"Scott, are you mad at me, did I do something?" Stiles pestered.

"Okay, fine, Stiles! I'm still mad at you! You just took off without saying anything! You didn't tell me you were leaving, you didn't tell me where you were going, for a whole month you didn't even tell me if you were alive! And you didn't tell me when you came back, you just walked into the room, like nothing happened!" He shouted.

Stiles glared. He was so beyond irritated and at his end with Scott. "The day I came back, I told you why I left in the library. That was the perfect time for you to say 'Stiles, I'm still mad at you, how could you do that?!'. Why didn't you act like the mature adult you think you are, and confront me about it? Why be so eager to bring me into the pack and introduce me to them all and have me around them all the time, huh? Why?" He hit back.

"I'm starting to think it was a bad idea to bring you in. But what was I gonna say? 'Hey, Stiles, you just came back, by the way, fuck off, we're not friends anymore'?" He asked condescendingly.

"You mean like you are now?" Stiles looked him dead in they eye.

"Anyway," Scott changed the subject, "I didn't help you with Jackson because you're not really doing much to prove him wrong, Stiles." Scott shrugged in response.

"Excuse me?" Stiles asked offendedly.

"I saw you at the party. You were drinking."

"You saw me? Really?" Stiles asked with sarcasm and a fake happy tone, "Because after you went off with Allison, I didn't see you! I didn't even hear from you for a week! I spent the whole night alone, nursing some drinks so my 'friend' could stick his tongue down his girlfriend's thrust, damn, what a shit friend I am." Stiles yelled, talking to Scott like he was an idiot.

"You were drinking hard." Scott accused.

"Yeah, Scott, it was a party, everyone was drinking!"

"Look, Stiles, I understand how you feel. I don't have a dad either, but you don't see me going off the rails and acting like a total psycho." Scott told him with no hesitation.

"Did you seriously just compare our situations? Seriously?" Stiles asked, full of angry disbelief at the nerve he had to say that.

"Our situations are nothing alike," Stiles said with disgust, "My dad is dead, I will never see him laugh or cry, I will never hear his voice, I will never get to talk to him again. He's dead, he's in the ground, I will never see my dad again, do you get that?" He yelled.

"Yeah and now we both just have moms." Scott interrupted, with bored eyes and an uncaring tone.

"No, Scott! I don't have a mom, she is not fit to be called a mother, she just has custody of me until I'm 18. And that crap about you not having a dad? That's bullshit! Your dad lives in Pasadena, he's a few cities over, you can hop on a bus and go see him anytime you want!! You just don't see him by choice!! Do you know what I'd give to see my dad again?! You can see your dad anytime you want, I can't, I can never see him again!!!" He spat with absolute repulsion. "Don't ever say you understand how I feel."

Scott looked at him with anger and shock.

"You know, shit happened, we changed, we're both different now," Stiles said with a passive and unemotional voice, "We clearly don't understand each other anymore." He said as coldly as Scott had been before.

"Why keep trying to fix something that's not working, right?" Stiles said, "Since I finally know what you really think, I don't think we can be friends anymore." He shrugged and walked down the empty hallway to the front doors of the school, leaving behind a stunned Scott.

 

*****

 

Stiles returned home and noticed Theodore in the kitchen but no Claudia.

"Stiles, you're home." He observed when Stiles entered the room.

"Yeah," Stiles answered, "Where's Claudia? You two are normally attached at the hip." He asked insincerely.

"She's out shopping."

Stiles scoffed and rolled his eyes, she was unbelievable.

"Stiles, you know I'd never try and replace your father. He was special to you and I would never take that away from you, he raised you for the five years after the divorce, but what's going on? Why are you so hostile?" He asked calmly.

Stiles took in a deep breath, thinking about how to answer that without sounding like an asshole.

"You're not the problem. You're actually a good guy. I just think that you should know so you're marrying, what you're getting yourself into." He told him, remaining calm because this wasn't someone he knew who could let it go if he yelled at them.

"What do you mean?"

"Well for starters, he raised me full time, the full fifteen years, alone. While working full time and Claudia - she did nothing. Ever. She was never a mother to me. She was never around."

"Stiles, I know when parents work long hours it seems like they don't give you much attention and it can feel like they don't care about you."

"No, she never worked. Not a single day in the twelve years they knew each other. They met in their Senior year of college and they got married within a year and in that same year, I came along. She never wanted to be a mother, she never wanted kids. But when she asked my dad about an abortion, he cried and said I was a part of them, how beautiful I would be and how amazing it would be to raise a family." He told him, his eyes going glassy with bitter tears welling up.

"So she had me. But then she decided her job was done and that I was my dad's problem. She helped with nothing, and she sat on her ass all day. And she cheated throughout their whole marriage."

"How do you know?" Theodore asked softly.

"I caught her. I was seven. She got up to get another glass of wine from the kitchen, god knows how many she had had before, but she left her phone turned on, on the text messages, on the sofa. I don't remember who they were to, but it wasn't my dad's name she was texting. There were flirty texts, texts about sex, pictures that I will never unsee and strategies that explained how she snuck out of the house so my dad didn't know she was seeing other people." Stiles said venomously.

"I already had my suspicions but now they were real. And my dad knew. But he still stayed with her because he thought it was for the better for me. He said that children need their mother and that it would be selfish of him to get a divorce and take my mother away from me. He always put me first. I hate cheaters and liars. It is the biggest thing I will never accept, it is something that would make me break up with anyone, file for divorce, I will never accept someone cheating on me." Stiles said angrily.

"It's a betrayal, it's selfish, it's sleazy and it can never be forgiven. I hated her before, but finding that out, that was the first time I was repulsed by her," Stiles said with acid and disgust, "I get it, it was an unhappy marriage, they had stopped loving each other years ago, but that doesn't excuse her, if you're so unhappy and not in love in a relationship, get a divorce, no one was forcing her to stay there! If she hated us so much she could have left anytime, why did we have to wait ten years for my dad to file for divorce for her to leave? Because she loved sitting at home, raking in money and spending it and not having to earn any of it. She is the epitome of entitlement, ignorance and selfishness. That is who you're marrying. The woman is toxic, she doesn't know how to love." Stiles told him, with disdain in his voice.

"Now you know. You only have yourself to blame if you do nothing about it. Remember I told you." Stiles said as he walked out of the kitchen and made his way to the stairs.

"How do you know she can't love?" Theodore asked.

Stiles stopped on the first step and turned his head over his shoulder towards Theodore, seeing him standing in the kitchen archway, "Because I get my inability to love from her." Stiles shrugged slightly and walked up the stairs, leaving Theodore to consider the information he'd been given.

 

*****

 

Stiles lay in bed silently for hours, rethinking the whole day's events. But he kept coming back to what Scott said. He wasn't proving Jackson wrong, he was getting fucked up at parties, he was getting himself fucked up in his room every night, he was slashing ugly scars into his body and he was clinging to a pathetic crush he had which was unhealthy and would ultimately not work. It all reeked of self sabotage and as much as he hated to admit it, Scott was right. So was Jackson.

He was a mess and he was off the rails.

A mess that no one should have to clean up.

After spending a few more minutes contemplating his next actions, he finally stood up and doubled his last efforts at overdosing. Literally, he doubled the amount of pills he had taken last time, they had knocked him out so surely these would end everything.

He emptied the twelve boxes of ibuprofens onto his bed sheet and organised them in to neat rows with an equal amount of pills in each. Stiles reached out for the first pill before he remembered back to the first time he tried this.

When Derek told him "Always tell me when you're sad, always. Anytime, come and see me, even to just talk about TV or something, always. I'm here. Never do this again, okay."

Stiles put the pill back, got off his bed and walked down the hall to Derek's room. He knocked on the door softly twice. Nothing.

"Derek?" He asked as he opened the door, only to see it was empty.

Stiles felt sadness and emptiness at seeing the room that looked bland without Derek in it. He closed the door behind him as he walked out and pulled out his phone, and then hovered his thumb over the name DEREK. He hesitated in calling.

Derek had said to talk to him anytime, in fact he said always tell him when he's sad. He eventually mustered up the bravery to press his thumb down, starting the call.

"Hello, Stiles?" Derek picked up after three rings. He sounded happy and light, something Stiles hadn't heard him sound like to anyone.

Stiles made sure to take out the sadness in his voice, he didn't want it to be obvious so he used the most upbeat and causal voice he could, "Hey, Derek. Are you busy?" He asked, keeping it cool and calm.

"Actually, Stiles, I'm kinda busy." And then Stiles heard the high pitched laugh from a girl. Stiles' stomach dropped and he felt sick at the thought.

"Oh. Never mind, it's not important." He said and hung up, cutting off Derek's "Stiles-"

Stiles walked into the bathroom, pulled up the toilet lid and threw up all the contents of his stomach into the bowl. He brushed his teeth, took a shower and left the house for about twenty minutes. In those twenty minutes, he walked up to the sleaziest dive bar and let some girl lead him into the men's bathroom. They had sex, it was nothing Stiles wanted to remember. And then he came back home, loathing himself even more.

He walked back into the house and saw Theodore sleeping on the couch through the living room archway, the book he must have been reading still open on his chest. Stiles did not have fond memories of that couch, it was the seat where his scars had been publicly displayed and shamed.

Wincing at the memory, he went back to his bedroom, seeing all his pills still laid out. It was stupid of him to think Derek could want him or like him. He was clearly enjoying himself with a girl. Like Stiles said, "pathetic crush that would ultimately not work". But that was just the cherry on top of a shit week . He understood that he had been denying to himself that he liked Derek, he still wasn't ready to admit that he liked someone because that was serious and people get hurt in relationships. But it hurt like hell knowing Derek wanted someone else. This was exactly the feeling Stiles was trying to avoid by trying to stay away from him.

But he ended up there anyway. Go figure.

It just felt like one more thing he had lost that day. That week. He had already lost his dad. From his mother, he lost his independence. From Jackson, he lost his dignity. From Scott, he lost his best friend and safety net. From Derek, he lost his hope.

What did Stiles actually have left? This time around he knew for real that there wasn't a place for him in Scott's life anymore, he was the only person he had optimism left in, he already knew there was no space for him anywhere else and now that he had lost Derek too, it felt like he had exactly nothing. Zero. Zilch. So what was the point?

How could things get better? They couldn't. On the off chance that Stiles survived this, he would leave this house. He didn't know where he would go yet, but he couldn't stay under a roof with Claudia and Derek, watching him be in love with someone else was just the final nail in the coffin. This time, he wouldn't let Derek get close, it may upset him and make him worry but if he lets Derek in, he'll pay the price and he was already paying the price now, he didn't need extra debt. So he wouldn't even leave a trace of himself in this house.

It never was home anyway.

Why was Stiles so right about the world?

So Stiles took every pill on his bed one by one until every single one of them were gone. He lay on the bed and cried as he lay statue still, he couldn't be bothered with putting any more real emotion into anything.

He just lay there, ready to let death take him.

 

*****

 

Stiles awoke to bright, oppressive lights in a white room and an obnoxious beeping. A hospital. The one place he never wanted to come back to. He looked around the room and saw Claudia, Theodore, Cora and, ugh, Derek sitting in seats at the side of his bed, Derek sitting in the one furthest away. Great, now he hated him, judging from the deep frown on his face that exhibited anger, different from all the other times Derek had seen him in these positions.

"You gave us quite a scare." Theodore was the first to speak. Stiles didn't know why, but he liked the guy, he was nice and decent. What the hell was he doing with Claudia?

"You're lucky Theodore found you, Stiles." Claudia said.

"Yeah, thanks." He said, despondently with no appreciation in his voice. He wasn't being rude, he just said it emotion-free.

That promoted Derek to jerk his head in his direction and gape at him, probably picking up on the lack of sincerity in his voice, showing Theodore saving him wasn't part of his plan.

"I'm sick of these stunts you keep pulling, Stiles!" Claudia yelled as she stormed out of the room.

"She's like a hurricane." Cora said with disapproval once she had slammed the door behind her.

"Why don't we go and watch her, kiddo," Theodore said, "Give Stiles some space."

Stiles was thankful for him although it probably should be questioned how moral it was helping a teenager get away with attempting suicide and not aging to talk about it. Although, maybe Theodore had thought about that because he left Derek behind, so he clearly wasn't off the hook.

When they left, Derek walked over to him.

"I told you to tell me," Derek said sternly, "Is this what you call telling me?"

Stiles said nothing. He didn't want to make Derek more involved, it went against his plan of trying to cure himself of his Derek crush, plus if he told him he called to get someone to tell him not to go through with it, it would hurt him.

"Stiles! Answer me!" He roared.

"You wanna hear the fucking truth so bad?" He yelled back. "I called you and you were busy. It didn't matter." Stiles said quietly.

Derek's eyes immediately softened. He looked as though he were about to say something but then he stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard the walls vibrated. Stiles didn't even flinch.

 

*****

 

As Stiles had planned, once he got home a few hours later after being debriefed about having his stomach pumped, no one was there. It was the perfect moment for him to exhibit his plan he had made in case he lived.

He packed a bag of his clothes and his alcohol, razors and weed joints, the essentials. He brushed his teeth and then walked out of the house and walked to his real home, where he had lived before his life had turned to extra shit.

He still had a copy of the key and it wasn't going to be sold to anyone because his dad had left the house to Stiles in his will, meaning that nothing could be done until Stiles was eighteen and decided to keep the house or sell it, so it was practically just sitting there being unused. And Stiles hated to be wasteful.

He locked the door behind him and unpacked his clothes in his room. It still had STILES written in the door. He was home. He walked into his dad's bedroom and when he opened the closet, he saw his old sheriff and college jerseys. Stiles eyes watered as he slipped one of them over his clothes, having them stuck in the closet so long meant they still smelt of him since the closet hadn't been opened.

Stiles cried as he held the cups of the sleeves to his nose and mouth.

That night he slept in his dad's bed, on the side he slept on, desperately trying to have him back.

 

*****

 

A week went by and Stiles hadn't left the house, he hadn't answered any of the calls or texts on his phone and he hadn't went to school. He didn't want to deal with Claudia's angry, unsympathetic calls of anger or Scott's judgemental attitude he had now.

When he went downstairs, wrapped in a blanket he hadn't removed for a full day, there was a knock at the door.

He looked through the peephole and saw that it was Derek. That could never lead to anything good, so Stiles didn't answer, he stepped away from the door and pretended he wasn't there, eventually Derek would leave.

"Stiles I know you're in there, I can hear you and smell you." He said but his voice didn't sound right. It sounded rough and exhausted. When Stiles opened the door, the voice matched Derek's face, he looked like he hadn't slept for the entire week, his eyes were purple bagged and his skin was pale, his normally sexy stubble looked unkempt and a little dirty.

Derek took a step into the room and closed the door behind him. He looked at Stiles and then brought Stiles into a tight bear hug. Stiles hugged back but didn't say anything, he didn't know what to do or what to feel.

Derek took him to the fireplace and sat them on the sofa. Derek pulled the lever and made the two seats recline back, providing them more space, not that they needed it, Derek would let him go an inch. Derek took the blanket from around Stiles and spread over the two of them.

"I'm sorry," Derek said with such anguish and hurt that it made Stiles look at him, taking in how unhappy he looked, "I was angry that I hurt you and that I had been so careless and as a result, I hurt you more." Derek had tears rolling down his face.

"Don't cry, Der." Stiles whimpered.

"I don't want you to ever take yourself away. I couldn't sleep all week, not knowing where you were, if you were still in town, if you were okay, that you were hurting and alone."

"It's not your fault, I did that, I swallowed the pills." Stiles tried to justify.

"Only because you didn't have anyone supporting you. I should have been there."

"Derek, you can't be here every moment, you still have to live your own life, get to see your girlfriend or whoever." Stiles told him, he really couldn't handle having Derek this involved in his life when it wasn't going to be how he wanted it.

"What if I want to be there every moment? And what girl?" Derek asked, now confused.

Stiles blushed at the first question before snapping back to the second one. "The girl I heard on the phone. You don't have to hide it."

"That was Laura, my sister. My mom and Laura came down to stay in a hotel in town, they're moving back here and they're staying there until they find a place.

"Oh. Well shouldn't you be with them then?" Stiles asked, relieved but also feeling selfish.

"No." Derek said as he snuggled Stiles to his body and laid Stiles in his lap. He laid back on the reclined sofa, stroking Stiles' back and promising to himself that he would never let this happen to Stiles again.


	7. Anything You Say Can and Will Be Held Against You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Just One Yesterday' by Fall Out Boy
> 
> I'm back, sorry about the long delay. I've put several new stuff out for the long wait.

Stiles settled into his chemistry seat. As usual, Harris took the roll call before class started, calling out every surname of the class, meaning Stiles had a few minutes where he wouldn't need to pay attention, meaning of course he zoned out.

"Lahey."

"Yes, sir."

"Reyes."

"Yeah."

Raised eyebrows and a silent sneer.

"Greenburg."

"Yes, sir."

"Padakas."

"Yes, sir."

"Lopez."

Yeah, sir."

"Hale."

"Yes, sir."

"Stilinski."

"Yeah, right here."

A scoff.

As Harris continued to read out other classmates' names to document attendance, his attention drifted and didn't return until the bell went for lunch to commence.

The pack came barging into the library where Stiles was studying during their lunch period, Lydia braced her hand on the table and closed the book Stiles was reading from. He looked up at them, annoyed. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? "Stiles, obviously some damage control is needed." She declared.

"Damage control? What's damaged and needs fixing?"  _Besides me?_

"Yeah, Stiles, there are clearly some kinks that need to be ironed out." Isaac pointed out.

"So we're gonna go camping." Boyd said casually with a lack of emotion, Stiles couldn't tell if he didn't want to go or if he didn't care. Pretty standard for Boyd.

"Ah, camping, the cliche for teenage bonding." Stiles responded, full of his usual sarcasm.

Scott stood behind everyone, rolling his eyes and grimacing. Stiles scoffed,  _what_ _a jerk_ , no one was holding him here against his will, why doesn't he just leave?

"See! This is exactly what we're talking about!" Erica yelled at them, "This is happening!"

Derek sat beside Stiles and placed his arm around him. "We're gonna go this weekend." He told Stiles gently.

Stiles was dreading the idea of camping with a group of overzealous wolves in the pursuit of making him happy when really, it was pointless. Stiles had accepted that things weren't going to get better, why couldn't they?

 

*****

 

The dark sky was painted in white specs of stars that cast a gloomy light over the campsite. Stiles grimaced as he sat on the log beside Derek, facing the fire in the center of the circle. Derek had his arm around Stiles' shoulder, as he usually did whenever they sat together now, and looked on as the orange flame illuminated Derek's tanned olive skin and the flecks of brown in his kaleidoscope eyes that entranced Stiles into treachery. Hence why he was avoiding looking at Derek, because Derek paralysed him in every sense, he made him so happy he couldn't move but simultaneously paralysed him with fear due to his own emotions. This meant Stiles had to acknowledge Boyd, Isaac and Erica on the log to the right of him, who were all currently punching each other in the arms and kicking each other's legs, squabbling about fuck knows what.

Meanwhile, ahead of him on the other side of the fire, Lydia, Jackson and Scott sat on another log, while the log to his left lay covered in the pack's bags that they had brought, giving Stiles an unpleasant feeling of discomfort and awkwardness, his eyes darted slowly around the surroundings as he felt it thickening the air.

"Ok, so its settled! I won!" Erica declared as the fighting amongst her, Isaac and Boyd concluded and they all assumed somewhat normal sitting positions, "We're playing 'never have I ever'!" She yelled happily as she clapped her hands together rapidly and enthused over her victory. Seriously? They were fighting about what shitty game to play? With difficulty, Stiles repressed the urge to pull a muscle or break a bone from rolling his eyes so hard.

"Okay!!" Erica continued to yell, "Never have I ever been arrested." She glinted.

"What do we do if we have done any of this stuff?" Jackson asked, condescension clear in his tone.

"You take a shot." Erica said as she whipped out shot glasses and a bottle of tequila.

Stiles pulled out his flask from the pocket of his jacket, "Thank God we're drinking." He grinned.

Scott scoffed loudly, prompting everyone to turn their heads to him.

"Got something to say Scottie boy?" Stiles sneered, "Even if you do, I doubt it's any of your business anyway." He said as he uncapped the flask and took a swig, savoring the burn of vodka against his throat.

"You brought a flask?" Isaac asked, amused.

"I'm always prepared." Stiles returned.

"Seriously, no one got arrested?!" Erica moaned as she interrupted the focus of conversation.

Derek and Isaac grabbed a shot of tequila each and swallowed. Stiles took another swig of his flask before Erica told him to take a shot, which he obeyed.

"Wait, you're werewolves, you can't get drunk." Lydia pointed out.

"Stiles ain't the only one who's prepared." Erica bragged as she brought the label of the bottle up to Lydia's vision. WOLFSBANE INFUSED. Erica smirked, "Deaton's very useful sometimes when he's not being a cryptic ass." Lydia shrugged, accepting the facts.

"Never have I ever done drugs." Boyd offered as a follow up.

Stiles and Erica took shots.

Scott raised his eyebrows and looked at Stiles, clearly judging him. Okay _now_ Stiles was about to pull a muscle or break a bone from rolling his eyes so hard.

"Never have I ever been so drunk that I passed out in the forest and had to get carried out by Derek." Scott snarled at Stiles.

Stiles took a shot.

"Never have I ever had to cover up a tattoo of a girl's name I had a crush on 'cause I started dating a new girl." Stiles fired back.

"OOOHHHHHH!!!!" Several members of the pack shouted, laughing and shocked, and definitely amused.

Scott took a shot. "Guess you haven't told Allison what's under one of those black ring tattoos on your arm. Or that you got a tattoo when you were 15 from a shady dude who doesn't even own or work in a parlor." Stiles mused as he drank from his flask.

Just as Jackson opened his mouth to have a turn at the game, Scott cut him off, "Never have I ever deserted everyone to go to New York and let them think I was dead."

Stiles took a shot. "Never have I ever sabotaged someone's answers on a biology test so that I wouldn't have the lowest grade in the class." He responded.

"Never have I ever tried to take the easy way out with pills. _Twice_."

The pack gaped as they heard the questions get way out of hand and watched Stiles take another shot. Out the corner of his eyes, Stiles could see Derek's eyes glowing a fierce red.

"Never have I ever tried to plant cocaine in Jackson's locker so I could be captain of the lacrosse team!!" Stiles smiled as he got Scott back hard. Everyone gaped.

"When _the fuck_ did you do that??!!!" Jackson's nostrils flared.

"Freshman year. He wanted to impress some chick." Stiles answered as Scott took a shot with huge flustered cheeks. Lydia also looked furious at the thought of someone sabotaging her boyfriend's title as the best lacrosse player.

"Damn." Erica muttered, lost for words. Isaac and Boyd nodding in agreement.

"Never have I ever..." Scott trailed off, trying to think of anything that could shame Stiles, "Had sex?"

Stiles' eyes widened, knowing he couldn't lie. He gulped and his stomach knotted as he leant forward and swallowed another tequila shot.

Everyone turned their heads and looked at him. He felt himself shrink into his own shoulders, feeling disgust that he had been projecting onto himself since he had lost his virginity.

"You had sex and you didn't tell me?! What the fuck, Stiles! We're supposed to tell each other everything!!" Scott yelled, outraged.

"When was I supposed to tell you?!" He screamed, "When you were avoiding me to be with Allison, when you were dismissing how I was feeling about my dad, when you were telling me how you regret introducing me to everyone, or when you were steamrolling over me with 'never have I ever' questions??!! 'Cause I sure as fuck don't know!!!"

"You gonna at least tell me when it happened?" Scott hissed.

"The night I was in the forest." He whispered self consciously as he itched his arm and sunk his nails in a little deeper than he should have.

"With who?" Isaac asked gently, unlike Scott.

Silence. Stiles gave no response.

"I don't know." He finally said quietly after a few moments.

"You don't know? What do you mean you don't know? What, were you shiftaced?" He said with disgust.

"Yeah, I was. I was shitfaced so I don't even know the people I've had sex with. You happy?" He exploded with hysteria. He felt Derek tighten his arm around Stiles and stroke back and forth over his arm and shoulder as a sign of comfort.

"What about all that shit you said about how it should be special and with someone you love and who cares about you." Scott smirked, enjoying Stiles' shame and embarrassment.

"I'm repulsed by that enough myself, I don't need you criticizing me, I'm doing that just fine alone." He said as he shook with intense emotion and bitter tears welled up and stung his eyes.

"So you just gave it up to whoever wanted it, huh? I didn't think guys could be whores but here you are, at least you're proving someone wrong about something." He spat at him.

The pack all looked at him shocked but offered nothing as a response, to help or hurt Stiles. Derek then shot across the camp pit and gripped Scott by his throat and roared in his face, red eyes and fangs fully exposed.

Stiles sniffled as he stood and walked past the empty log to collect his backpack and walked around the back of Scott as he was still held by Derek. He gave the biggest bitch slap to the side of Scott's cranium as he could and then pulled him by the shoulder so he was facing Stiles. He swung his fist to his eye as hard as he could and as Scott cradled his eye, he said "There was nothing fucking easy about trying to kill myself with pills." through gritted teeth and clear despair in his voice.

He walked down the trail and out of the camp as fast as he could, hightailing it out of there, his dignity and reputation shot beyond hell.


	8. I Got a New Complaint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Heart-Shaped Box' by Nirvana

Stiles stayed away from everyone for weeks after what happened with him and Scott, he was so humiliated and he lost all his integrity. He did feel guilty for dodging all of Derek's texts, calls, emails, voicemails, and refusing to open his door whenever he came to persuade Stiles to let him see him. He knew he was too cowardly to face any of them again, now of them all knowing that he had added throwing his virginity away to his list of faults and off putting characteristics. Alongside depressed, anxiety-ridden and self destructive, he was now also damaged goods.

He wasn't doing too bad, though. He hadn't skipped any school this time, he'd just avoided all of the pack as much as he could, giving Scott what he wanted - for Stiles to be out of the picture.

He braced himself as he sat beside Derek yet again in chemistry, hoping for the period to go by as fast as possible. As usual, Harris took the roll call before class started, calling out every surname of the class, meaning Stiles had a few minutes where he wouldn't need to pay attention, meaning of course he zoned out.

"Lahey."

"Yes, sir."

"Reyes."

"Yeah."

Raised eyebrows and a silent sneer.

"Greenburg."

"Yes, sir."

"Padakas."

"Yes, sir."

"Lopez."

Yeah, sir."

"Hale."

"Yes, sir."

"Hale."

Everyone's faces looked up, confused as they all saw Harris staring intently at Stiles from his desk. Stiles, however, remained oblivious, tuning everything out.

"Hale."

Stiles picked up what was going on but continued to bury his face in his textbooks. Why did Harris keep repeating Derek's name?

" _Hale_."

Stiles finally grew irritated, he turned to Derek, "Dude, answer him, he's driving me up the wall." he said exasperatedly.

Derek turned to him, "I think he's talking to you." 

"What? That's crazy, what are you talking about?" Stiles was beyond confused.

"Mr Hale!" Harris enunciated loudly continuing to stare at Stiles.

"Sir, are you talking to me? I'm Stilinski, remember?"

"Not according to the register." He said tiredly.

"What?!"

Harris brought the sheet of paper over to Stiles and showed him his name.

MIECZYSLAW HALE.

Stiles' eyes widened and he stopped breathing. What the fuck?!! He turned to Derek and also saw a look of bafflement on his face.

Stiles grabbed his books and his back and darted out of the room, Derek hot on his trail.

Stiles was going to find out what the fuck was going on and why the school suddenly thought his name was Hale.

 

*****

 

Stiles entered the house where the Hales and his mother had been residing, Derek right behind him. Theodore and Claudia came out of the living room at the noise of the door opening and closing.

"Stiles. You're finally back where you belong." Claudia said. Stiles couldn't detect what emotion was in her voice, happiness, disdain, relief, anger? He had no idea, they all sounded the same when it came from her.

Stiles' eye twitched.

"Do you wanna tell me why the school's records say my surname is Hale. Last time I checked, it was STILINSKI!" Stiles knew she was behind this somehow.

"Well, me and Theodore are getting married soon and we're going to be Hales so I went down to City Hall and I had your name changed." She said, like it was no big deal. Stiles was so angry, that name meant the world to him, it was his father's, it was all he had left of his dad to carry in his life.

"What. The. Fuck." He said dangerously, trying to repress his fury, "I'm a Stilinski. Was I born a Hale? No, I come from the Stilinski family! That name was all I had left of my dad, you've just been desperately trying to erase any proof of his existence!! How could you do this without even telling me or asking me!? It's my name, I have to live with it, you had no right to do this! You knew I'd want to keep my name!"

Derek and Theodore seems very shocked at this, so clearly she hadn't told them either.

"Stiles you are being so immature about this!" Claudia yelled.

"Did you change your name?!" Stiles demanded.

"No, of course not, were not married yet, why would I?"

What the fuck? How did that make any sense?

"Then why the fuck did you change my name?!!! And why the fuck didn't you tell anyone?!"

"Stiles, get a grip." Claudia dismissed him.

"No!! I will not 'get a grip'. You have been the worst mother ever!! I've had it with you!!"

"You are lucky to have me!" Claudia yelled, getting closer to him.

Stiles stalked over to her, getting in her face. "No I'm fucking not!! When I was six, I had to learn how to walk myself home from school, it was twenty fucking blocks away!! All because you couldn't be assed to get off the couch and drive for five minutes!! You didn't work a second in your life, my dad raised me and worked a full time job while you sat in the couch getting drunk, spending all our money and complaining that my dad had to work longer shifts because he had to make up for all the money you were blowing!!!" He poked her in her chest as he unleashed every once of venom he'd been holding onto for fifteen years, "You fucked any guy that passed you by and you acted like you were entitled to everything you should have in life, entitled to buy whatever you want, entitled to have everything handed to you on a silver platter! When I found out you were cheating on my dad, you hit me and slapped me, you threw a glass vase at me!! I was seven years old and defenceless!!!"

Theodore and Derek's faces spoke nothing but shock and astonishment. Claudia looked scandalized, like she had the right to be shocked at his outburst.

Stiles pressed on, "I had to walk home during floods and by the time I was eight, I'd had to learn how to cook for myself on the stove and oven since you weren't gonna do it and when my dad saw me, he flipped, telling me I could have burnt myself and gotten seriously hurt! That's what parents are supposed to do!! Care! And on my tenth birthday, my _birthday_ , my dad walked in on you throwing me across the room into a wall because I asked where he was so I could see him, 'cause it was my birthday!! At least he finally realized he had to get a divorce, thank fuck he got full custody!! And finally, you uproot me from my home without asking me or letting me settle back into town and change my name without my permission!! I fucking hate you!!! You repulse me!!!"

Claudia slapped him across his face.

Stiles dived forward to grab at her, screaming until Derek pulled him back before he could land a punch, wrapping his arms around his chest and turning him so Stiles was facing away from her but Derek could still get up in her face, ready to demolish her. Theodore pressed his hand to Derek's shoulder and told him, "I'll take care of it." Derek nodded and turned to soothingly hush Stiles and rub a hand through his harm, trying to calm him before he released him.

Claudia pushed Theodore away from her when he tried to calm her down, charging into the living room and coming back out with a slip of paper in her hand, they all turned to see what it was. She looked at Stiles.

"You need proof of identity to change your name. You can't change your name without you're birth certificate!" She yelled menacingly as she made her way into the kitchen. Stiles forcefully broke out of Derek's arms and ran after her.

When Stiles and the Hale men got in the kitchen, Claudia had the certificate in her hand and a lighter ignited in the other, the paper already on fire, burning away Stiles' identity rapidly.

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Stiles cried as he watched it burn, tears streaming down his face, feeling part of himself die.

Claudia dropped the birth certificate into the transparent trash can next to the island counters and they all watched as it quickly disintegrated into black, charred ash. Completely destroyed and unsalvagable.

Stiles looked at her, destroying his birth certificate so he couldn't change his name? "You fucking BITCH!!! I'm done. I'm fucking DONE!!!" He shouted as loud as he could and stormed up the stairs, throwing every single possession of his into his bag until the room was completely bare as it was before he moved in. He retreated down the stars as fast as possible and back into the kitchen where Theodore was pulling Derek back from grabbing at Claudia's throat.

"Derek, come on, pull it back!" Theodore yelled, trying to calm his son down and keep their wolfy secret under wraps.

Stiles slammed his key to the house on the counter and stormed out of the house, not looking back, not knowing how he was going to adjust to being 'Stiles Hale'.

He walked back to his home and wondered: who was he now?

He locked the doors and windows as he got into his house and locked the bathroom door. He pulled out a razor blade from the drawer under the sink and slashed Bloody lines into both of his arms and wrists, eyes blurring with tears as he sank down to the floor, discarding the blade and cradling his head as he mourned yet another error of his life.


	9. Fall Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Crash' by You Me At Six

April 2018

It had been 5 months since Stiles had stormed out of the Hale house after his mother had changed his name without his consent and he hadn't seen anyone since he'd fully moved back into his old house. He switched all his classes at school so that none of Scott's pack or Derek or anyone he had a connection to was in any of his classes, preventing any of them from interacting with him and vice versa. Although he did now have to deal with the disturbing new English teacher at the school, Miss Blake. Stiles didn't know why but she just oozed bad vibes and distrust.

He missed Derek. He missed him like hell, but it was just too hard to look at him or anyone without the feeling of "tainted" swarming over him. Everything Claudia and Scott had said and done had just changed everything for him, how Scott had told him he regretted letting him into the pack made him feel as though that was the only reason any of them condoned him or hung around near him in the first place, as he had originally thought. But it was one thing to suspect something and another for it to be true and smack you in the face.

This whole experience had made for a supremely shitty sixteenth birthday. "Sweet sixteen, my ass" Stiles thought. He'd spent it alone, holed up in his room and consuming a large portion of his collection of weed, pills and alcohol his dad had left behind in the liquor cabinet. He knew what he was doing was a toxic cycle but he couldn't help it or pull himself out of it, what did he have to live for? He didn't have anyone left, so what was the point in trying to be happy, trying to overcome sorrow that enveloped him like a boa constrictor, trying to have an appetite, caring about the increasing drops in his weight on the bathroom scales.

106 LBS

He tried appeasing his isolation by throwing his body to the wind at parties and having sex with random girls that he didn't remember and didn't want to and he knew they felt the same. After that he'd come back down the stairs of the house, rejoin the party, avoid any of the pack if he saw them before they saw him and head straight back to the drinks table. It was a good pick me up and also memory eraser for the memories he knew he had but couldn't visualise. He didn't want to visualise them so no harm was done. Really.

He always tried to refrain from thinking about Derek or Claudia and the pack because he knew it would just upset him greatly. And given that Claudia hadn't called or texted or reached out to him, it was clear she was unapologetic and that was that. There was no more trying with her, their relationship beyond unsalvagable. He could see a pair of red wolf eyes outside his bedroom window every night, in a tree on his lawn. He knew it was Derek wanting to protect him and make sure he was okay but he just couldn't let himself fall back into the trap again. He constantly tried to stop himself from falling into a situation that made him feel even more love for Derek - love? Shit - because love was scary.

Stiles had trouble admitting it to himself but he couldn't love, he was broken and damaged in more ways than one. He was a mess and he had never loved anyone in his life. He saw everyone around him throughout childhood and teenagehood fall in love and crush on each other and yeah, he could see why people were attracted to each other but he never felt that for anyone. So he came to the conclusion that he couldn't love, he was too fucked up because of everything that had happened.

He was also hurt by what had become of him and Scott. Scott was once his best friend and he knew leaving the way he did would cause issues and he was allowed to be mad, but Scott had brought in more than just him leaving, had shamed him for how he was dealing with his problems. He knew cutting himself, drinking, drugging himself and giving away his body were miles away from healthy but he didn't need Scott pointing it out. He knew. He knew, he knew, he knew.

And now Scott wanted nothing to do with him and chose the pack, a group of people he had started talking to for a month over Stiles, someone he'd known for years just really stung and it made him rethink the whole friendship they had. Did Stiles always mean that little to him? Would Scott have always just given him up at any point in their lives if someone else came along? That was why he couldn't get close to Derek - what if he found someone better than him later on? That was what he meant by tainted. He couldn't look at anything the same again, everything had changed.

 

*****

 

Today, Stiles was feeling particularly depleted and stir crazy as he'd been living the majority of his time in the house with no outside communication. He decided to venture out to the spot in the preserve where his father always took him when he was younger and now held the memory of him passing out there drunk after losing his virginity.

As he arrived, the sun was still out but not enough to warm the temperature, merely keeping the night away from falling but he was devastated to find what was the spot in the woods he had always loved. The beautiful green grass was dull and had a drab grey tint to it, dead grass in large clumps throughout the grass bed. The flowers that remained were wilted and frail, the trees were leafless and empty branches stood. It felt like a metaphor for his loss. Once he had a loving father and best friend and now they had been stripped from him, leaving him a vulnerable and fragile walking corpse, looking and feeling like death but still alive somehow.

Tears filled his eyes as he mourned the last pleasant memories he had in his life become decay as he fell to his knees and clawed his hands through the dead clumps, letting loud sobs break his resolve, his forehead resting on the decomposing woodland.

He didn't know how long he stayed there, crying, but when he lifted his head and unclenched his hands, the light had become dimmer but it wasn't evening yet. He slowly rose and approached the cliff edge and looked down at the lake that sat below. It was pretty high up. A good sixty/seventy feet maybe?

He took in a shaky breath, even shakier on the exhale and shivering as he lifted his sweater over his head and dropped it to the ground beside him. Standing in thin blue jeans and a short sleeve shirt, he kicked off both of his sneakers. He looked down again thought about what he was about to do. He nodded his head and stept forward. He clenched his hands into fists by his side and threw himself forward, feeling his feet leave the ground and closed his eyes as he plummeted.

He felt himself hit the water and sink below the surface, opening his eyes, which burned and stung, and saw the water nearby ripple as though someone else had jumped in but he didn't have time to register it properly as his head hit the rocks of the cliff under the water, knocking him unconscious.

 

*****

 

Meanwhile, the pack had dragged Scott to the Stilinski house and Erica had unceremoniously picked the front door lock with her claws, allowing their access.

"Why are we here?" Scott moaned, put upon.

Lydia slapped him.

"What the f-"

Erica slapped him. "We like Stiles and you drove him away! We haven't seen him for five months, as in we haven't even saw his body not just talked to him! So we need to find out if he's okay!"

"Where's Derek?" Scott complained as they walked into the living room, "He's the one obsessed with Stiles, why isn't he here?"

"Because he's probably with Stiles or looking for him." Isaac told him.

"And he's not obsessed, he's in love." Lydia told him.

"With Stilinski? What a loser." Jackson droned on.

Lydia and Erica slapped him simultaneously.

"You both are what is wrong with the world. Your lack of understanding, intelligence and compassion is abysmal." Lydia leered.

They all proceeded to search the house for anything that could show how Stiles was doing. The bag of weed and bottles of alcohol didn't speak of very good things but they pressed on.

"Oh my God." Boyd murmured as he came across a set of documents, shocked at the nature of the papers.

"What?" The pack all yelled, as they rushed in, hearing the whisper, with Erica pulling Scott by the ear in tow, leaning over Boyd, who was knelt beside Stiles' bed and bedside table.

"Stiles is getting emancipated from his mom."

 

*****

 

Derek ran through the woods, chasing the scent of Stiles' sadness, knowing that something must be wrong if he's alone in the preserve and given Stiles' tendency of drastic actions, who knows what he might do. He arrived towards the clearing next to the cliff where he knew Stiles had a fondness for and felt as though it was where he would go if he were to be in the preserve at all.

Derek had missed Stiles an unexplainable amount. Not being around Stiles felt like the loss of someone, like he was mourning a death, except Stiles was still here and that hurt Derek even more, not being able to grab onto him.

So when he saw Stiles standing before the cliff, clearly about to leap off, he sprinted out as fast as inhumanly possible, but still Stiles slipped straight through his hands and fell to the lake below. Without hesitation, Derek dived in immediately, not caring about the dampness in his clothes or that it made it harder to cut through the water as he swam to reach Stiles, creating thick waves around him as he urgently tried to find him.

Derek panicked for his life when he saw Stiles laying unconscious in the water. He grabbed him and treated as fast as possible to get back to the shore, gripping tightly onto Stiles and cradling him in his arms as he took off running back to the old Hale house in the woods.

 

*****

 

"He's what?" Scott asked

"You didn't know?" Isaac asked, a hint of judgement in his inflection.

"He never told me!"

Stiles' whole world was coming down and no one had even knew about it.

"Well how could he, what with you cutting all ties with him?" Erica snarled.

"Derek's gonna kick your ass when he finds out." Boyd told him adamantly.

"Why? It's not like any of you guys talked to him either!" He said defensively.

"We should go. We shouldn't be intruding on Stiles' life like this." Isaac offered, meekly.

 

*****

 

Derek panted as he pressed compressions onto Stiles' chest on the living room floor of the house, desperately trying to expel the water from his body.

"Come on, Stiles! Breathe! Please!"

Stiles coughed as he hacked up water and his eyes blinked open.

"Thank fuck, Stiles!" He shot down and wrapped his arms around Stiles' body and arranged them so Stiles was sitting between his legs, his back to Derek's chest. "I missed you so fucking much, Stiles." He whimpered into his chestnut hair.

"I'm sorry. It's hard to be around you, with everything going on." He whispered hoarsely.

"Don't leave again, please."

"I'm getting emancipated."

"When did you start this? Are you sure about this?"

"Yes! I can't be around her or forgive her. I got the papers last month."

"You know you could have told me about that?" Derek was upset at the idea that Stiles was keeping all of this bottled up. "My dad broke up with your mom."

"What?" He asked, shocked.

"The night you left, he broke up with her and she left. We don't even know where she went."

"That's Claudia for you." He laughed with no humor at the fact that this fiasco about his name change ended up being all for nothing.

As usual, Stiles was a casualty of others' actions.


	10. I Wanna Be Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty happy chapter for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'I Wanna Be Yours' by Arctic Monkeys

Stiles was officially emancipated and celebrating it by sitting at the forest clearing with a trusty bottle of Jack. As he uncapped the bottle, a dark figure approached, alerting his defences. As the figure came closer, it appeared female.

"Stiles?" The voice was soft but firm and Cora.

"What are you doing here?" He asked softly but also suspiciously.

Cora came and sat beside him. "When the guy who owns my brother's heart flies off the face of the earth continuously and keeps endangering his life, you tend to try and find him."

"I haven't seen you either for a while..."

"Because you haven't showed up to school, you kept leaving the house and you've moved out now to live in isolation."

Stiles had no response, he knew all that was true.

"What do you mean about your brother?" He confusedly asked.

"Oh my God, the pair of you, get it together and start kissing!" She was at her wit's end, the two should have been dating long ago.

"Whaat?!"

"Go to the dance tonight and you'll know."

Stiles frowned. The dance. He wasn't a dancer at all. He couldn't dance and all the bitchy girls and jocks would be there, and Jackson, and well, the rest of the pack - they were the 'popular' people. Minus Derek, he never seemed to fit in with that title. He didn't want to go, it just wasn't his scene and he would have anyone to be around and he'd have no fun wasting his time sitting on the bleachers and being alone. He could be alone in his house or the preserve, he didn't need to do it in public.

"I don't think so. Dances aren't my thing."

"Come on, I'll be there too." She pressed on.

"Fine. I'll go." _If only to get her to stop._

"Great and I'll drop by tomorrow with your suit and we'll get you ready for the dance!"

"Huh? You bought a suit for me? You planned this didn't you?"

"Duh! Of course I was gonna make you go to the dance and you've seen our house, a suit is nothing off our net income."

"Smug much?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You know I'm joking, kind of. Partly. Yeah, Derek's a lot less big on money."

 

*****

 

Stiles headed towards the door after hearing it knock the next evening.

Before he could open it, Cora busted through with a brunette girl in tow and carrying a plastic transparent casing with the suit inside and ran upstairs, the older girl following quickly behind.

'Who the fuck is that?' Stiles thought.

He slowly moved up the stairs wondering what they were doing in his room.

"Stiles, this is Laura, mine and Derek's older sister."

"Oh. Okay. How old are you, I don't think I've seen you at school?"

"I'm 21, but this is a special occasion and any chance to interfere in Derek's life, I am there!" She laughed happily, an evil grin showing, matching her younger sister.

"Stiles here is oblivious as fuck." Cora mused.

"Oh, I've heard. You're a pure innocent baby." She laughed like she was teasing her little brother.

Stiles blushed.

"Stiles! Front and center!" Cora called, holding up a dark blue suit and a red bow tie.

After Stiles was suited up and his bow tie tied to perfection, Cora started conversationon his hair.

"Let's get some product in here now."

"No!" Laura interrupted. "Derek loves his natural messy hair!"

"You're right."

"Now cologne!"

"No, you idiot! Derek likes his natural scent!"

"Oh yeah, werewolf. I forget." Laura shrugged.

Stiles was baffled at he conversation about him occurring like he wasn't in the room, his own bedroom.

 

*****

 

After getting him dressed, Cora and Laura shoved him into the car and drove him to the school. He was confused as they both got out the car, Cora was a student but Laura wasn't, what was she doing there?, and his face must have told them that.

"Laura's a chaperone." Cora said.

Stiles nodded his head and Cora grabbed his wrist and notched a silver bracelet around it. A little pendant hung from it, a triskele. Stiles silently questioned her but she gave no explanation.

Later on, he sat at the bottom step of the bleachers. He saw all the pack slow dancing in the center of the gym with each other. Scott and Allison, Lydia and Jackson, Erica and Boyd and Isaac and Cora. Cora shot a wink at Stiles from over Isaac's shoulder.

He raised the flask he had been drinking from towards her and brought it to his lips. He knew this was where he'd end up, alone on the bleachers. He couldn't be mad at Cora, she had just been trying to make him happier but still.

He also saw Laura standing at the side talking to an older woman and Miss Blake glaring at everyone and focusing on Stiles. What was her problem?

"Stiles?"

Stiles was pulled out of his reverie by a soothing voice above him. He looked up to see Derek standing before him in the same suit and tie that Stiles was wearing.

"Can I have this dance?" He asked.

"I don't know..."

"Come on, everyone's dancing." He smiled.

"It's just..."

"Gay?" Derek asked.

"No! No, I just can't dance."

Derek held out his hand and grasped Stiles'.

Derek led him towards the dance floor and placed his hands on Stiles' lower back. He pulled Stiles to stand on top of his own feet and kept his left hand centered on his lower back and his right hand held Stiles' out.

Laura smiled as she watched Derek dance with Stiles and her mother, Talia, squealed happily beside her.

"Oh my God, they're precious!" She yelled in Laura's ear.

"I know!" She yelled back, equally enthusiastic.

Stiles was looking down at his feet, avoiding all the looks everyone around him was giving him, feeling the pack's eyes on him and the rest of the students' too.

Derek removed his hand from Stiles' back and placed a finger under his chin and delicately lifted his face up to look him in the eye.

Stiles looked at him with wide open eyes and his lips parted. Derek leaned in and pressed his lips to Stiles', grasping his hand together and cupping his cheek, enjoying having Stiles' weight on his toes.

When they pulled away, Derek stroked his cheek "Stiles, I love you."

"I do, too. It's hard to say, but I do." He said shyly.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" He blushed.

"Yeah, I will." He nodded his head, hoping this was real.

"Yes!!!!!" Cora dived on top of Derek's back and wrapped her legs around Derek's waist and her hands around the back of Stiles' neck in celebration.


	11. I Was Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from ‘Like a Stone’ by Audioslave

A week after the school dance, Stiles was in at his happiest he’d been in a long time and it felt... unenthusiastic help but feel as though something, something had to happen because surely life couldn’t be that easy and generous. It never had before, why start now? Of course he didn’t tell any of this to Derek because despite them dating now, the relationship was new and he didn’t want to scare him off. Stiles knew Derek cared about him but he didn’t want to suffocate him with his problems and anxieties and insecurities because it would drive him off and then he wouldn’t want to date Stiles anymore.

It was a precarious slope Stiles had landed himself on when he started dating Derek because now, he had to prevent any potential threats to the relationship coming to the surface because that would end the relationship and would mean Stiles would get hurt, what he’d been trying to avoid this whole goddamn time. He figured Derek didn’t want to hear him complaining about being sad and miserable and exhausted and unable to see anything worth living for. He loved Derek, he couldn’t deny it anymore, and he made him so happy but it still couldn’t pull him out of his thoughts and insecurities.

He decided to just enjoy what limited time he had with Derek before Derek inevitably got sick of him and called it a day or found someone better, someone attractive, fun, mentally stable, a better reputation, because let’s be real, he wouldn’t have to look far for better. The whole town was better than Stiles. It hurt but it was a reality he had to be prepared for, if you prepare for the absolute worst then no matter how bad the outcome is, it can never be worse than what you prepared for, the worst that would happen is that it would be on par with the worst result.

His situation wasn’t helped by the constant stares and blatant googly eyes people made when they saw him at school, probably shocked that Derek would pick him out of anyone in town, he was right there with them. But it was hard to express it to Derek when he always seemed so happy with him for some reason he couldn’t fathom, he was all smiles which he loved but didn’t understand why he provoked that.

 

*****

 

At lunch, with his arm wrapped snugly around Stiles, Derek was telling everyone how his mother and sister had moved back to Beacon Hills and that his parents had started seeing each other again.

“That’s great, Derek, that’s awesome!” Stiles beamed at him, he wasn’t feeling happy but he had to show support for Derek because his parents getting back together was amazing, it would reunite his family. Everyone else also offered up their smiles and cheers of celebration and congratulations.

“Yeah, they’re still staying in their new apartment for now, I guess it wouldn’t be too smart for divorced parents to move back in right away before testing the waters to see if they can get back together.”

“That makes sense, but I’m sure it’ll work out great, why’d they break up, if you don’t mind me asking?” Lydia asked him, not concerned that it may be inappropriate to ask a personal question like that.

“Well, the fire in our house in the preserve, um, killed all of the family, other than my parents, me and Cora and Laura, and well, Peter and it was just hard for them. They grew apart and we all knew they both loved each other but they just didn’t know how to adjust to the change and loss. So I hope they get back together cause it’s not like they broke up because they hated each other or stopped loving each other.” He said quietly, feeling vulnerable, Stiles snuggled closely to him in reassurance.

“Did you have any other siblings?” Isaac asked gently.

“No, just us three. It was my cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents in the house.”

“At least they also gave that bitch who did that to you the death penalty.” Erica growled angrily, insulted at the Hale atrocity, crushing her solid apple into tiny chunks, the seeds inside hitting Jackson in the eye. It resulted in a growl and pounce that was held back by Boyd pressing his palm against Jackson’s face and shoving him back into his seat. Stiles smiled at that, the jerk definitely needed to be put in his place.

“Seriously, Kate was Allison’s aunt, can we not bitch about her! Have some respect for the departed!” Scott called out, in indignation.

Everyone turned their heads towards him, faces all clearly expressing bafflement, anger, fury, and outright shock.

“No, we can’t,“ Lydia snarled, “Allison’s my best friend but that Kate bitch does not get a free pass because you like her niece. As for respecting the departed, we wouldn’t be respecting Derek and Stiles’ families if we regarded Kate as something less than a monster. Trust you to turn a discussion into something about you.” Disapproval and distaste evident.

“Given the fact that more than one tragedy involving fire happened to people at this table, I thought you’d be more sympathetic.” Isaac stated.

Derek immediately tightened his arm around Stiles and tugged him closer to his side. At the mention of his dad’s death in the fire, Stiles noticed Ms Blake turn her head towards his table, despite the fact that she was on the other side of the cafeteria and couldn’t possibly have been in ear shot. The woman was seriously shady and Stiles didn’t trust her one bit, she had turned around so fast like someone had tried to fire a bullet at her. Why did it concern her? Her glimmer of doom gave him shivers and caused his whole body to shake which prompted the feeling of Derek rubbing his arm up and down him and providing warmth to him.

Stiles turned back to the table to hear the hushed and whispered mentions of murders and investigations. What?!

Lydia looked towards him. Okay, so he said that out loud.

“Didn’t you hear? The murders the police have been investigating, since July 2018, last year. They’ve been continuing sporadically every since, every two months roughly.” She told him quietly.

Stiles was confused, he’d never heard or seen anything of these murders, never heard anyone mention them at all.

“You didn’t know? It’s been all over the news - your dad was the sheriff for god sake!” Scott scolded him.

“Well it’s not like he’s here to tell me about them now! And I didn’t hear anyone discussing them all this time!” He defended himself.

“That’s because it was outlawed.” Boyd told him.

Stiles raised an eyebrow at him.

“The school banned us all from talking about them since it’d ‘distract from our education’ and also you too, they banned us from talking about you leaving, hence the whispering.” He explained calmly.

Stiles couldn’t help the brief slip of his mind as it danced over the idea that maybe his father’s death wasn’t a tragic accident given the timeline the murders started - July - lined up with the Sheriff’s death.

He quickly dismissed it. That would be crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just out of curiosity, where do people see this story going? Where do people want it to go?


End file.
